Jesus and the Dysfunctional Family
by Peggy Harris W.A.S.H. Board Chair

Martha ran the household.  Her brother, Lazarus lived there with her.   A sister, Mary of Magdala, stayed there sometimes.  Some have thought that Martha was also the wife of Simon, which certainly helps to understand the rivalry and tension between the sisters.  Martha may have suffered feelings of guilt because she did nothing when she discovered Simon's abuse of Mary. Simon was also the uncle of these three young people. 

As so often happens, it all began when Mary was young, probably very young. She was a victim of incest, sexually abused by Simon.  This led her into a life of prostitution.  Many evil spirits, among which may have been anger, vengeance, feelings of no value as a human, and destruction possessed Mary. Also there must have been antagonistic feelings towards Martha for not protecting her from Simon when she was young.   She learned early to put on a respectable front for the community.  Her trust in religious leaders and men had been betrayed and so she came to trust no one, not even herself. 

Lazarus appears to be the person in the family who was invisible to the conflict.  He probably took neither side in arguments between the sisters.  He was the middle person, trying to keep peace with all factions, trying to keep the family secret hidden from the community.  Even after meeting Jesus and grasping that here was hope for the hopelessness of his family, he could not face the problem of the abuse.  The deadliness of abuse paralyzed him from taking any action.  No wonder it took its toll and he became sick and died. 

Martha tried to keep some semblance of togetherness and respectability in the family.   It was she who opened the home to visitors and buried her frustrations in cooking great feasts.  After all, they came from a highly respected family with many members in religious service.  It was important to present a facade of proper decorum to the community surrounding them.

Simon became known as 'Simon the Leper'.  Being a victim of this horrible disease must have brought feelings of satisfaction to Mary.  She had long been the victim and outcast.  Now her perpetrator had become a loathsome outcast of society.  He was also a Pharisee.  He was a sexual abuser.  He seemed quite amused that one such as this new Rabbi, Jesus, could even take an interest in him and his nieces and nephew.   Surely, he thought, that if this young man, Jesus, was who he said He was, He certainly wouldn't associate with the likes of this family, this sick family who gave the outward appearance of virtuosity to the town and religious hierarchy.  No, surely this Jesus could not know the deep, dark secrets that had lain hidden from any scrutiny for so long.

Into the midst of this dysfunctional family Jesus came.  Not just politely once, He came often to the home of Martha, Lazarus, and Mary.  It was a home to Him.  He had no home or place of His own while here on this earth.  How ironic that the King of the Universe, the Creator of the World would come to such a home.  Was this the best the heavenly Father could provide for His own son?  More startling was the fact that He continued to associate with this wounded, struggling mockery of a family.  As a result of this touch of the divine with humanity, their lives were restored and were never the same again. 

Simon was healed from his leprosy.  Much later, at the feast in his home, he was healed from the scars and guilt of his sexual sins.  The years of covering up the family secret were over.  Healing could begin now for all the participants.   Jesus understood the terror, fear, and helplessness they all felt.    There are not many success stories of perpetrators of sexual abuse.   This may be the only one in the Bible that we have a glimpse of.  But certainly it shows the powerful recreation that can take place in a person's life when they open their heart to God. Martha was touched by the Master in a way that brought healing into her life.  Finally she realized that Jesus was able to fill the empty places in her heart with love for her sister.  It was she who heard the Savior's message when he returned to Bethany after Lazarus had died. 

Lazarus died from his illness and was gloriously resurrected by Jesus.  Among those who were mourning at the house before Jesus came were friends and relatives.  When Jesus came to His dear friends, it is written that He wept.  He did not however weep for Lazarus' death because he would soon be resurrected.  He wept for those who continually hardened their hearts, manifesting hypocritical sorrow and were soon to plan His death.  He could read their hearts and sorrowfully knew that they had rejected the Savior of the world.

Mary was healed seven times by Jesus.  There was so much hurt and pain, anger and loss in her life, it is no wonder that it took time for her to learn that finally here was someone  that would not hurt her and could heal her completely.  The bond of trust grew till finally at Simon's feast for Jesus, she entered and washed Jesus' feet with very expensive perfume and her tears, using her hair to wipe His feet.  While others did not offer a gift until after the Savior's death, Mary gave her beautiful, fragrant, costly gift while the Master yet lived.  Its fragrance would fill the tomb and the memory of her gift would last and be told over and over for all the ages of the world.  Of course, Mary was again criticized for what she did.  She had grown used to that over the years and had built a hard shell to resist the pain of such comments.  Now, however, because of this relationship with her Lord and Savior, she did not fear the comments that were made.  Now she did not have to answer them.   Jesus did it for her! 

How often we do not recognize the immense value of friendships until after death.   Like Mary, we can and should express our great love for what Jesus has done for us through a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a personal visit that will help someone else through crises and pain.

Each one of these dysfunctional people had allowed themselves to be touched by Jesus.   In return He came into their lives and home and found comfort and rest.  Peace came to their souls, the great peace that passes all understanding.  Peace from the pain, heartache, and ugliness of the life they had each lived before Jesus came into it.   He can do the same for each one of us today.  He is there for each one of us to heal our dysfunction's, to make us whole, to restore integrity in our life.   Today, He offers the same peace to each one of us.  Will you accept that great gift from Him in your life today?

References:
        SDA Bible Dictionary
        Desire of Ages Chapters, Lazarus, Come Forth, The Feast at Simon's House
        Matthew 26:6-13
        Mark 14:3-9
        Luke 10:38-42.
        John 8:1-11, 11:1-43, 12:1-8

This page last updated on Sunday January 29, 2006 11:14 AM

Disclaimer: We are not a counselling service.  We prepare materials to help church
members and church leaders better understand the problems abuse brings and prevention methods.

Designed and maintained by Megan Field      Space provided by