WASH LINE - Summer 2005
Special Issue: S.O.C.
By Peggy Harris, W.A.S.H. Board
Chair
Women and Men Against
Sexual Harassment and Other Abuses
www.tagnet.org/wash
EDITORIAL– You are encouraged to make copies to share.
Safeguarding our children (S.O.C.) is a primary goal of W.A.S.H. and also should be for any church organization. What does this take to achieve? It begins in the home, and continues in the local church and church school. We will outline some ways to keep our children safe from predators and who a predator might be.
Failure to safeguard our children brings a lifetime of hardship for not only the victims but the family dealing with the abuse. Even with the proper counseling the memories are still there and no one is ever the same again. It is far better to prevent harm to our children than having to deal with it after the fact.
NEW BOOK: A new book added to our book list is “Porn Generation” by Ben Shapiro. Pornography is a growing addiction today. Be sure you understand the effects this can have on a person and family
PREVENTION: I get phone calls and hear stories all the time about abuse that has happened in a family or to an individual. Much of it begins in childhood when a child is abused by a family member, relative, family acquaintance, or in a school or church setting. The child either is afraid to tell or if they do tell, no one believes them or does anything about it.
Prevention begins with teaching a child about good, bad and secret touching. Two excellent books listed on our book list are – “A Very Touching Book” by Jan Hindman and “Friends, Good Bad, Secret” by Bobbie Drake. A child needs to understand about proper and improper touching at least by age four or five. Teach them to tell a trusted adult if they are touched improperly. Believing when a child tells someone is the next most important thing. These books help a parent to teach them easily.
All too often a relative is the culprit of abusing a child rather than the bogey-man who entices children with candy, etc. It is someone they know and they may be afraid to tell especially if it is a person close to the family. Children need to understand that it is not okay for them to be touched improperly by anyone even if they are a family member, relative or church member.
Knowing who your children are visiting with and staying over night with is another important way to help keep them safe.
Sometimes a child will just feel uncomfortable around an adult but does not know exactly why. Teaching a child to trust those instincts God has given them and putting them in God’s care every day will teach them that God will help them and that you are especially concerned about their safety in all things.
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BACKGROUND CHECKS: Check with your church, school and Pathfinder groups to make sure that they have in place background checks for anyone working with children. Usually these are now required by schools and Pathfinder groups but may not be by local churches. A local church that does not have in place a volunteer form (see resource materials) and background checks makes children an easy target for pedophiles. They are the people who are highly thought of, so helpful with children and so willing to work with children. It’s important that parents take their turns working in children departments as their children are going through the various departments. If this is happening and background checks are in place, there would not be the problem of young lives ruined by abuse.
FAMILY ABUSE: Sometimes families are just so dysfunctional and abusive that children are being abused at home and no one outside the family knows what is going on. I’ve had people tell me stories about parents (one father was an MD, another a minister) who regularly had an incestuous relationship with their young daughters to adulthood. One young woman thought this was “normal behavior” for families and she ended up in an abusive marriage. Children growing up in these kinds of homes don’t know what “normal” is. Knowing the families in our church is so important. Associating with them, helping them and getting to know them is not only a rewarding helpful experience but can help families in trouble before the trouble gets out of hand. Evil that goes on in even Christian families is so secretive and so harmful to children that they may never have a normal relationship with either their own family when they are grown or with God.
PASTOR HELP OR HINDRANCE: Pastors can not have all the information they may need for every situation but they should have resources they can refer their members to when a problem arises. Telling people to stay in a dangerous, incestuous relationship is not an answer to the problem. That can turn into pastor abuse itself. Anyone knowing about an abuse problem with a church member and not doing any thing about it is only aiding the perpetrator and further abusing the victim. Some conferences have provided their pastors with abuse information materials. All conferences should do this.
IF FOLLOWED: There is so much information available to churches and individuals now that there is no excuse for something not being in place to protect children and members from abuse. This is every bit as important as any other kind of evangelism the church may do if even not more important. Helping children and adults to live life fully and safely should be a primary concern of the church.
With safequards in place there will be no more stories 10, 30 or 40 years after the fact of abuse that someone committed and ruined lives. It is the local church members that have the responsibility to safeguard the lambs. We can’t afford to wait until church hierarchy tells us to do it. Common sense tells us we need to do this ourselves. God entrusts His children to our care. How will we answer when He asks – “What have you done to protect and care for them?”
EMPOWERMENT: Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary Eleventh Edition definition for empower (verb) – to give official authority or legal power to act…to promote the self-actualization or influence of… empowerment – noun.
Compiled on an abuse survivor forum.
“This truly is a wonderful family! I think God looks down and says ‘You're coming along, my children. The lessons have been difficult but you're on your way to heaven now!’ Somehow this must be transplanted into churches too!”
“This group, as I see it, is a very empowering place. I've ‘seen’ people here who start out very gingerly, feeling their way along so hurt from past experiences. Then as they join in and feel the friendship and love expressed here, they begin to blossom and flourish! This is a wonderful church here! We all get to share in this healing process.”
What I see happening here is empowerment! My friend, S__ (from the O__ Church, where years ago some 45 children were abused by a member who served time in prison for his crimes of child abuse) and I were talking about this. She has had to deal with a lot of things in her life but God gave her the burden to begin setting things right in her church. In 1996 when she became an elder the pastor was not interested. Her time was not wasted because she didn't stop. She delved into study, so that when Pastor T__ came she had the ammunition for him from the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy to support this mission.
She told me how she was verbally attacked in church board: People were saying this happened so long ago, we need to just forgive and forget! She didn't say a word till they were finished then she said: Let me tell you a story. (She had no idea what to say but God put the words into her mouth) and out came Moses’ experience. How he was unable to lead Israel into Canaan. She went on to say that all sins are not equal in God's sight. That sometimes a sin is so horrendous that the sinner is not ever going to have leadership again. That stilled them instantly for they had no answer to that!
We certainly are learning here (in this forum) about give and take. Sometimes we accidently step on someone's feelings. Thank God we are able to say “sorry,” mean it and move on. That's part of Christianity. I see so much of it here. Too bad we can't transplant this civility into all our churches!
This truly is a wonderful family! I think God looks down and says "You're coming along, my children. The lessons have been difficult but you're on your way to heaven now!" Somehow this must be transplanted into churches too!
S__ (from O__ church) says when God touches us with a burden He is also there with the help to accomplish the mission He gives us. One person can make a difference!
So when things look dark and there seems no way to keep going - we look to our LIGHT, Jesus! We can do all things in Him!
Again from the forum:
“We need to understand the difference in the two words - power or
empowerment! I just read some notes I had made when I was going through
the 'hell' of my last church. That was power, and very destructive too.
Coming here has certainly helped me to gain my confidence again. People
actually being nice to each other, caring for each other here certainly
boosts up the morale in one’s life.
It is a wonderful church here.”
Empowerment by God:
“But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8 New King James Version and footnote.
“One of the most common excuses for not becoming a Christian is the fear of failure to live the Christian life. Besides, overlooking the fact that men cannot be saved on the basis of good works (Titus 3:5), this objection neglects the truth that God provides the power to live the Christian life. Before Christ was crucified He promised the coming of the Holy Spirit to help believers (John 16:13, 14). The subsequent events of the Book of Acts supply ample evidence of the fulfillment of this prophecy (Acts 4:7, 33; 6:8).
The power of the Holy Spirit was not designed solely for the first-century church. Rather, all Christians are indwelt by the Spirit and thus have His power available (1 Cor. 6:19). However, living the Christian life under the Spirit’s power must not be thought of as simply allowing the Spirit to take control while the believer does nothing. The believer still must live the Christian life, though he does it through the Spirit’s power. Romans 8:13 says, ‘if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.’ It is you who are to put to death the sinful deeds of the body, but you are to do it through the Spirit’s power.
The Christian who struggles in his own strength to live the Christian life will fail. He must by faith appropriate daily the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:4, 5). Described practically, this means that resisting temptation, being faithful, etc. There is no secret formula that makes the Spirit’s power available. It is simply a reliance on the Spirit to help.” New King James version footnote on Acts 1:8.
RESOURCES: Here is a listing of some help resources.
Advocate Web, www.advocateweb.org
C.E.A.S.E. Clergy and Educator Abuse Survivors Empowered! www.advocateweb.org/cease
Polly’s Place, www.pollysplacenetwork.com
Safe Church, www.safechurch.org
Safe Church Trainings, Policy and Guidelines www.diomain.org <PAGE NOT IN SERVICE>
Survivors-n-Thrivers, www.survivors-n-thrivers.com
Will you take the S.O.C. Pledge?
S.O.C. Pledge
Safeguard Our Children.
A specialty of W.A.S.H. (Women and Men Against Sexual Harassment and Other Abuses)
BECAUSE, parents stand as representatives of God for their children;
BECAUSE, toleration of abuse has effectively blocked the revelation of the love of God to thousands of children generation after generation:
BECAUSE, we want to stop the cycle of denial, facilitate healing and safeguard our children for eternity;
BECAUSE, as Christian parents and church community we share responsibility in the development of our children:
BECAUSE, four primary maltreatment categories of child abuse are now recognized in reporting laws:
1. Physical abuse - the non-accidental physical injury of a child;
2. Physical neglect - the failure to supply the essentials of life to a child;
3. Sexual abuse - the sexual exploitation of a child;
4. Emotional abuse - the infliction of psychological or emotional injury upon a child;
BECAUSE, there are several additional types of child abuse:
1. Moral neglect - occurs when a child is subjected to influences which have or may corrupt the child;
2. Medical neglect - occurs when the child's need for medical care is ignored;
3. Educational neglect - occurs when there is failure to provide the education required by law;
4. Community neglect - occurs when the community fails to provide the support and service necessary to insure the health and welfare of all children;
5. Passive abuse - occurs when the passive abuser never actually lays a hand on the child but paves the way for abuse, sets it up, and allows it to occur by manipulating someone else into acting out feelings;
6. Corporal punishment abuse - occurs when unreasonably severe physical punishment is combined with rage and inflicts injury upon children;
BECAUSE, we recognize that when a child has been sexually abused there is rage, hopelessness, helplessness and memory which is imprinted on that child forever;
WE WILL provide safe environments in home, church and school for our children.
WE WILL no longer allow offenders to continue taking the Lord's name in vain by perpetrating abuse upon children generation after generation.
WE WILL assist victims to obtain proper help for healing and restoration.
WE WILL make sure that offenders of children's safety are taught to avoid high risk situations and never be placed in an environment alone with children again.
WE WILL educate the church community through seminars, workshops, sermons, papers, videos, tapes, brochures, and other resources, in schools, churches, campmeetings, retreats, etc. on how to provide safe environments and healing for victims.
WE WILL learn the signals of abuse and never ignore again the silent cry of a child for help.
WE WILL recognize that training and education is the best preventative measure to protect children.
SIGNED: ______________________________________________________________
There are other W.A.S.H. materials available.
This page last updated on Tuesday May 23, 2006 05:09 PM
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