Restoring Integrity
Devotional March 15, 1994 Sexual Ethics Commission
North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists
World Headquarters, Silver Spring, Maryland
by Peggy Harris W.A.S.H. Board Chair

Integrity is defined in the dictionary as a firm adherence to a code of moral or artistic values, the quality or state of being complete or undivided, an unimpaired condition. We learn integrity from our life situations: at home, at work, and at church. If that environment is dysfunctional, we may never really grasp the true meaning of integrity. It's hard to admit either loss of integrity or being dysfunctional because it has been so ingrained in Seventh-day Adventists that if we are Christians these conditions do not exist in Christian society. As a result, much has been hidden from public view for generations, handicapping and discouraging many in our church from seeking solutions. So let us consider restoring integrity.

I would like to share with you several gripping stories of contemporary dysfunctional families.

After reading the Pacific Press book, Sins of the Father, a member of a prominent Adventist family decided to speak out about the incest of children and grandchildren by the head of the family. By doing so it has put a stop to the incest. The family has been advised to seek counselling but so far has not done so. Unless the feelings and pain are dealt with in a productive way, it will lie smouldering to ignite at some future date with great harm.

The pastor and his wife waved good-by to their two young sons at the airport after prayer for their safe keeping. The sons went to stay with grandparents while the parents were moving. The grandfather sexually assaulted the boys with the grandmother's knowledge. When the parents found out they reported it to local authorities who then investigated and brought a successful legal charge against the grandfather. The parents have undergone more pain brought by fellow workers in criticism for bringing a prominent church family to disrepute.

Recently a young woman church worker spoke out about the sexual harassment she had been a victim of by a conference worker. After telling of her experience to a conference official she was asked what she thought she might have said or done to provoke such actions. The man who harassed her and two other women in the conference was let go. When he got a job offer in another conference they were told why he was let go but the other conference still hired him to teach young people. Although married he now is involved with another young woman in that area. This worker is currently being considered for the position of Bible teacher in an academy. (Postscript - This man has had this same problem since seminary days. When the school principal was notified about the workers indiscretions he was fired. They were very concerned about not being told why he was let go in his previous job. The previous conference did not tell in order to protect the employee rather than protect other young women from being harmed.)

In Revelation 6:9, 10 there is described a scene of slain souls under the altar crying, "How long, O Lord,... until You judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" These souls would normally be considered to be in a safe place, the altar, or the church. They are dead yet they speak, which might suggest spiritual death. Might they also be considered to be victims of abuse, whether from sexual, physical, emotional or spiritual abuse?

Loss of trust in church leaders can transfer into a distrust of God. In the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen it is stated that "Trust is not something that can be demanded or legislated. It is gained or lost on the basis of integrity and honesty". And in another chapter, "It takes just as much energy to not deal with problems as to deal with them. Actually it takes more energy - because in not dealing with problems, you get to keep the problem plus you have to work hard to cover it up."

Long after the situation has passed, the pain, the loss, and the memory of the "event" never fades. These true stories are only a few of many sad experiences that I have been told over the past several years. Many pastors and church leaders do not know how to deal properly with these kinds of dysfunctional problems. This results in a lack of confidence by church members to bring these problems to the attention of the proper church leadership. Thankfully, we now are in the stages of developing plans to deal with the long-hidden sins of abuse in our church, which will certainly help to restore integrity. Women at all levels of church structure are at risk. Abuse has been going on for generations and continues to this day as we speak. Sexual abuse is so pervasive in our midst that if we do not actively address this issue we will soon be in the same situation as the Catholic Church. Victims of abuse are most concerned that the abuse be recognized and further abuse be stopped.

Many good people have left our church because it either did not respond or responded negatively to their abuse. In order to survive at all, they have been forced to recover outside our church. I have been told that this would not be believed by church leaders. But I feel I must speak out now for my sisters and brothers whose voices still cry out and seem only to be heard by God. If my church is to regain integrity, recognizing the problem of abuse in our church, is probably one of the most important places to begin.

Here are some suggestions of how we can address the horrendous problem that abuse has caused in our church.

Our church cannot continue to allow conferences who insist on employing known perpetrators of abuse to be insured by Risk Management. No reputable insurance company can continue to risk the kinds of losses that will come from this kind of irresponsible behavior on the part of an employer. We leave ourselves wide open and vulnerable to multi-million dollar lawsuits and settlements to continue indefinitely. This definitely does not inspire confidence and brings into serious question the leadership of our church that will allow this to continue.

There is a need for training and development of support systems so that the victim is not further victimized by the existing system within our church. There needs to be guidelines developed for the protection of both victims and the church. Too often, the only concern has been to protect the church. The Bible teaches us that we are all part of one body. If any one part is injured and hurts, we can support and help to heal that part. Sadly, we have usually amputated the injured part of the body and thrown it away. There also needs to be help available for the perpetrators of sexual abuse crimes. If these perpetrators are not willing to participate in long term counselling or other help programs, they must be let go and not allowed to bring harm to others in the church or the community. We also need education for church leaders as well as members to stop the thoughtless, harmful comments as well as actions about abuse situations that are sometimes made, that injure and hurt people. These problems need to be addressed in a way that will educate and help our pastors and church leaders to act positively instead of negatively when faced with such situations. The way we as a church do "business" must be representative of God's sacred calling in order to fully restore integrity.

Women in the church have been set up for sexual harassment and abuse by the abused practice of male headship in the church and home. This practice dates back to paganism with all its idol worship and has been adopted into Christianity. If the church had practiced equality of both race and gender, as we were instructed and started doing in the late 1800s, we would have been ahead of the world in treating people fairly. By allowing this practice to continue, we are permitting leaders and members who abuse others, to continue misrepresenting God.

We may not realize the devastating effects dysfunctional families have had on the church. They are found at all levels of church society. It has taken its toll in time and energy of pastors and church workers as well as members in just trying to cope. These families must receive help in order to become functional Christians. We must restore integrity in all aspects of our own lives, then we can assist other dysfunctional members. Prevention of abuse and dysfunction must be provided for by church leaders and church members working together.

There is no better way to restore our integrity than by taking an in-depth look at the principles of practical living found in God's Ten Commandments. In these ten profound statements are embodied all of the basic elements for successful living. How we understand God and treat others as outlined in these statements is found the key to positive leadership and the restoration of integrity within the church.

These commandments will be our protection and a light wherever our daily walk takes us. This light will also shine through us to touch other lives. The Holy Spirit will minister to every aspect of our daily living, continually renewing within us the energy radiating from God.

Ellen G. White in Testimonies Volume I p.277 tells us in paraphrase, "When I study the Scriptures, I am alarmed for the Israel of God in these last days. They are exhorted to flee from idolatry. I fear they are asleep, and so conformed to the world that it would be difficult to discern between those that serve God and those that do not serve Him.... Like ancient Israel they follow after the abominations of the nations around them".

We look with abhorrence at the practice of Baal worship, which infiltrated so readily into ancient Israel. It happened when the Israelite's religion became a meaningless ritual. How different are we in this twentieth century? Have we allowed cold, indifferent and meaningless motions of family and church structure to allow the sin of passing our children as sacrifices through the flames of incest, physical and emotional abuse? How much we need a Josiah today to pull down the idols of sexual abuse that have infiltrated Christianity, including Seventh-day Adventists for generations!

If we are to present Christ fully to the world and maintain integrity, it is a mandate that the issues of abuse be addressed within Christendom. This silence must be broken now! What we teach our children will affect them and generations to come, negatively or positively. Both love and abuse are a learned behavior and are passed down from generation to generation.

When we take the name Christian, we accept a responsibility to present this name to the world and reveal the character of God. By misrepresenting God, by dealing with one another unfairly, by hampering the gospel or preventing the utilization of those whom God calls, we take His name in vain and must accept the consequences.

We learn discipline and integrity through parental guidance. We first learn how to love the way we were loved. We learn to control emotions, passion and to have compassion as well as how to react positively when confronted by threats. Apart from Christ there is a lack of love for our fellow human beings. We learn to treat others by the way we treat our parents and how they treat us. We must learn to disagree agreeably and have better interpersonal relationships in school, home, church and at work.

By caring for those we meet that are in need or are suffering from physical, mental, spiritual or sexual abuse, we help to restore the integrity of our church. When we have Godly love in our life, our relationship with our spouse and friends will lead us to treat each other kindly, honorably, and respectfully. This kind of love reaches out to others who are troubled. Our testimony is how we live before others and giving others a true picture of what God has done for us. Jesus very compactly gave us in the New Testament, "And now I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34 Good News Bible.

While there are some dysfunctional church families who refuse help, they are not all hopeless. With God's help the tragic consequences can be reversed, but it is not easy to accomplish. Here is a recap of what we need to do to restore integrity in our church by
    1. bringing healing and restoration to the lives of victims.
    2. stopping perpetrators from harming others.
    3. preventing abuse, dysfunction, harmful comments and actions through education of church leaders, laymembers and youth.

It is our PR (privilege and responsibility) to restore and then maintain integrity in all that we do. Church leaders cannot do it by themselves nor can church members. It is only by working together, supporting the efforts jointly, that we can truly maintain the qualities of integrity in our church. We need not despair as we contemplate the enormity of the dysfunctional in our church and perhaps in our own families. Jesus gave an example to us by how He dealt with Martha, Mary and Lazarus.

Let us look at an exegesis of this biblical story of how Jesus brought healing to a dysfunctional family.

JESUS AND THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

Martha ran the household. Her brother, Lazarus lived there with her. A sister, Mary of Magdala, stayed there sometimes. Some have thought that Martha was also the wife of Simon, which would certainly help to understand the rivalry and tension between the sisters. Martha may have suffered feelings of guilt because she did nothing when she discovered Simon's abuse of Mary. Simon was also the uncle of these three young people.

As so often happens, it all began when Mary was young, probably very young. She was a victim of incest, sexually abused by Simon. This led her into a life of prostitution. Many evil spirits, among which may have been anger, vengeance, feelings of no value as a human, and destruction possessed Mary. Also there must have been antagonistic feelings towards Martha for not protecting her from Simon when she was young. She learned early to put on a respectable front for the community. Her trust in religious leaders and men had been betrayed and so she came to trust no one, not even herself.

Lazarus appears to be the person in the family who was invisible to the conflict. He probably took neither side in arguments between the sisters. He was the middle person, trying to keep peace with all factions, trying to keep the family secret hidden from the community. Even after meeting Jesus and grasping that here was hope for the hopelessness of his family, he could not face the problem of the abuse. The deadliness of abuse paralyzed him from taking any action. No wonder it took its toll and he became sick and died.

Martha tried to keep some semblance of togetherness and respectability in the family. It was she who opened the home to visitors and buried her frustrations in cooking great feasts. After all, they came from a highly respected family with many members in religious service. It was important to present a facade of proper decorum to the community surrounding them.

Simon became known as 'Simon the Leper'. Being a victim of this horrible disease must have brought feelings of satisfaction to Mary. She had long been the victim and outcast. Now her perpetrator had become a loathsome outcast of society. He was also a Pharisee. He was a sexual abuser. He seemed quite amused that one  such as this new Rabbi, Jesus, could even take an interest in Him and his nieces and nephew. Surely, he thought, that if this young man, Jesus, was who He said He was, He certainly wouldn't associate with the likes of this family, this sick family who gave the outward appearance of virtuosity to the town and religious hierarchy. No, surely this Jesus could not know the deep, dark secrets that had lain hidden from any scrutiny for so long.

Into the midst of this dysfunctional family Jesus came. Not just politely once, He came often to the home of Martha, Lazarus, and Mary. It was a home to Him. He had no home or place of His own while here on this earth. How ironic that the King of the Universe, the Creator of the World would come to such a home. Was this the best the heavenly Father could provide for His own son? More startling was the fact that He continued to associate with this wounded, struggling mockery of a family. As a result of this touch of the divine with humanity, their lives were restored and were never the same again.

Simon was healed from his leprosy. Much later, at the feast in his home, he was healed from the scars and guilt of his sexual sins. The years of covering up the family secret were over. Healing could begin now for all the participants. Jesus understood the terror, fear, and helplessness they all felt. There are not many success stories of perpetrators of sexual abuse. This may be the only one in the Bible that we have a glimpse of. But certainly it shows the powerful recreation that can take place in a person's life when they open their heart to God. Martha was touched by the Master in a way that brought healing into her life. Finally she realized that Jesus was able to fill the empty places in her heart with love for her sister. It was she who heard the Saviour's message when he returned to Bethany after Lazarus had died.

Lazarus died from his illness and was gloriously resurrected by Jesus. Among those who were mourning at the house before Jesus came were friends and relatives. When Jesus came to His dear friends, it is written that He wept. He did not however weep for Lazarus' death because he would soon be resurrected. He wept for those who continually hardened their hearts, manifesting hypocritical sorrow and were soon to plan His death. He could read their hearts and sorrowfully
knew that they had rejected the Saviour of the world.

Mary was healed seven times by Jesus. There was so much hurt and pain, anger and loss in her life, it is no wonder that it took time for her to learn that finally here was Someone that would not hurt her and could heal her completely. The bond of trust grew till finally at Simon's feast for Jesus, she entered and washed Jesus' feet with very expensive perfume and her tears, using her hair to wipe His feet. While others did not offer a gift until after the Saviour's death, Mary gave her beautiful, fragrant, costly gift while the Master yet lived. Its fragrance would fill the tomb and the memory of her gift would last and be told over and over for all the ages of the world. Of course, Mary was again criticized for what she did. She had grown used to that over the years and had built a hard shell to resist the pain of such comments. Now, however, because of this relationship with her Lord and Saviour, she did not fear the comments that were made. Now she did not have to answer them. Jesus did it for her!

How often we do not recognize the immense value of friendships until after death. Like Mary, we can and should express our great love for what Jesus has done for us through a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a personal visit that will help someone else through crises and pain.

Each one of these dysfunctional people had allowed themselves to be touched by Jesus. In return He came into their lives and home and found comfort and rest. Peace came to their souls, the great peace that passes all understanding. Peace from the pain, heartache, and ugliness of the life they had each lived before Jesus came into it. He can do the same for each one of us today. He is there for each one of us to heal our dysfunction's, to make us whole, to restore integrity in our life. Today, He offers the same peace to each one of us. Will you accept that great gift from Him in your life today?

References:

    SDA Bible Dictionary
    Desire of Ages, Chapters Lazarus, Come Forth, The Feast at Simon's House
    Ministry of Healing, Chapter Healing of the Soul
    Matthew 26:6-13
    Mark 14:3-9
    Luke 10:38-42
    John 8:1-11, 11:1-43, 12:1-8

This page last updated on Sunday January 29, 2006 11:25 AM

Disclaimer: We are not a counselling service.  We prepare materials to help church
members and church leaders better understand the problems abuse brings and prevention methods.

Designed and maintained by Megan Field      Space provided by