Abuse in the SDA Church

Her eyes stung with tears.  The knot in her stomach spread to a tenseness throughout her whole body.  Just hearing the comment that a proposed elder admitted to her that he had abused his daughter “once” brought back the terrible memories of her own abuse.  For years she had suffered abuse from her father (also an elder).  Her mother turned away from doing anything, as did the local church members and church leadership.

It is amazing how she was able to maintain any sanity living through the nightmare of her father’s continual abuse to her and now she was hearing of it still happening to someone else by their father.  She had to escape away from the telephone, away from the church and away from the talk.  Out to the peaceful hills and the contentment of her garden she escaped.  Gardening and walking through nature was the restorer of her soul.  This was a safer place to talk to God and retain her Christian experience.

After investigating the charges it made her furious that she was the one who had to present the report to the church board with this man on it as an elder.  She had found out the daughter had threatened suicide at one time.  The local church was in support of the proposed elder.  This man is in denial now and he keeps asking when is he going to be ordained as an elder.  Both this lady and the current local pastor have contacted the conference president and they are now waiting for him to address this situation.

***

In another story, an academy bible teacher (also the school pastor) kissed the fifteen-year-old student.  In her own words the story follows.

“The year was 1978.  He was 33, married and had two children at the time.  I was sure he had made the mistake of his career and that I had to save him from his error or his salvation would surely be lost, and his job sacrificed.  But when I said so, he shrugged and told me God was blessing his ministry and that since God had not convicted him that his action was wrong, he saw no reason to stop.  He explained that he believed our special friendship was from God and was based on Agape love, the highest form of love God has.  He further went on that as sinful humans we were incapable of understanding God’s ideal love.  He used Bible texts to further explain that God sometimes asks his people to disobey the commandments, Abraham was asked to kill his son, etc.  I sat with him, discussing Biblical support for his position and at home I studied the Bible and prayed for guidance.  In retrospect, I believe the argument that convinced me to accept the others was the one, that if I didn’t accept that the kiss was of God, this pastor’s friendship with me could not continue to grow.

“Although it hurts to admit, I was addicted to feeling as though my thoughts were interesting.  I was addicted to the power of the special privileges afforded to me as the pastor’s after school worker, proud to be respected by someone I thought was the most popular teacher in school and hooked on the feeling of being cared for. 

“I felt this man held the keys to my future with his ability to share stories and insights from the perspective of an adult who saw something promising in me, and who had experienced adventures that were totally unlike any I had ever even heard of before. 

“Tracing the steps this pastor took is painful, embarrassing, confusing, and difficult to convey on paper.  Even today I don’t really understand how he could have jumped from a kiss on the lips to sexual acts too inappropriate to describe in a magazine like this.

“The arguments supporting all his actions were the same ones he used to rationalize the kiss and a baby step at a time, this minister turned a kiss on the lips into full-blown sexual abuse before I was 17.  Sadly, the story did not end there for the entanglement would go on for 11 years, for once I decided to accept this man’s rationale I could not allow myself to question him again.  It was as if somehow each year took me further and further away from accepting that this man could be wrong because to do so would invalidate all the prior years.

“When I was 19, this married minister, now a father of three, proposed marriage to me, informing me that God had given him a vision and showed him that his wife would die and that his ministry would be saved because he would marry me.  This part of the story is even more difficult to share as it is yet another indication of how stupid I must have been to have walked into such a trap.  It pains me to admit that although I refused at first, I reversed my position once this man reacted to my refusal by withdrawing his friendship from me, as he had threatened to do back in 1978.

“I finally got out of the Pandora’s box at age 26, although “how” is a question I still can’t quite answer in short form.  I am just thankful I finally was able to walk away.  At the time, I was very determined to never let a soul other than my future husband know what happened but nearly eight years later I began to understand that this man’s theology was a danger to others and decided I must tell my story so that other people would be protected.  I approached the local conference of the church and told my entire story.  While my story resulted in the conference forcing this man to resign, the resignation was portrayed as being the result of burnout.  Former students and parishioners still do not know how dangerous this man is five years after his resignation.  His sermons can be downloaded from the Internet and pastors currently employed by the denomination have links recommending the site that contains his sermons on their own Internet sites.  Because the criminal and civil statues of limitations had expired by the time I was able to come forward with my experience, the denomination felt they were not responsible to proved any counselling or compensation for what happened to me in their institutions at the hand of one of their own.”

***

These two stories are just some that I’ve heard over and over with variations since W.A.S.H. (Women and Men Against Sexual Harassment and Other Abuses) began.  Over the years I have collected 50 stories that are now listed on our website.  These describe just about every kind of abuse and go from the recent through the past 60 years.

Just What Is Abuse?

Physical Abuse: Physical maltreatment, injury, or damage to a person.

Sexual Abuse: Contacts and interactions between a child under 18 and an adult in which the child is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or another person.  Or, coercive or non-consenting sexual acts between adults, especially when one is in a position to have power over the other, such as minister – church member, teacher – student, therapist – client, or employer – employee.

Sexual Harassment: Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature.

Mental Abuse: Verbal or other behavior causing damage to mental, emotional or spiritual health.

Some Sad Statistics on Abuse

Sources: Child Help Center, AMA, Crime Victims Research Center, Medical University of South Carolina, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “An Interstate Compact of Domestic Violence: What are the Advantages?” Juvenile and Family Justice Today (1993), National Victim Center, Incest Survivors Resource Network International.

 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused by age 18.

Over 3,000,000 cases of child abuse are reported each year.

Males are 11 times more likely than females to be molested out of the home.

2000 to 4000 women are beaten to death annually.

25% of all women’s suicide attempts are preceded by a prior history of battering.

More than 50% of all married women will be assaulted at least once during their marriage.

More than 33% of women will be repeatedly assaulted during their marriage.

Two to four million women are physically abused in the U.S. each year.

Family Violence kills as many women every 5 years as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War (29,045).

Between 15 to 25% of pregnant women are battered.

In homes where spousal abuse occurs, children are abused at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average.

One half of all homeless women and children are fleeing domestic violence.

As much a 10 times as many rapes occur as are reported.

One half of all rapes are acquaintance rape.

One half of all rapes involve a victim, a perpetrator, or both who are teenagers.

70% of men who are abusive were abused as children.

Four children die everyday from neglect or abuse.

Every religious denomination has abuse problems to deal with.

There are many documented cases of abuse within the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

Oregon Conference of SDA Family Life:

30% of women in a Seventh-day Adventist church have been abused.

Told to an editor of the Adventist Review:

50% of girls at an area Seventh-day Adventist youth camp revealed a father or relative had abused them.

% Of those responding to the Southeastern California Conference of SDA Survey who have experienced family crises:

24% have been divorced or permanently separated.

30% were physically abused at home before age 18.

16% experienced incest at home before age 18.

13% have abused drugs or alcohol.

37% have lived with a drug or alcohol abuse.

7% have attempted suicide.

27% have had suicidal inclinations.

These and other statistics are on the W.A.S.H. website.

In the Parade Magazine, July 14, 2002 article by Andrew Vachss (a lawyer whose only clients are children) titled “The Difference Between ‘Sick’ and ‘Evil’” he states that “We are not helpless.  We do have the power to change the behavior of predatory pedophiles.  We can close one pathway to evil.”

This abuse problem is something that afflicts all churches (not just the one or two one hears in the news stories).  So how do we get a handle on it and stop future abuse?

Our Seventh-day Adventist church is struggling with this right now.  One way is to stop burying our heads in the sand when something comes to light.  That is getting some better but it is still a struggle of pain for victims who do come forward.  Each one of us as a member needs to be aware and do all we can to make our local church and school safe by having a Child Protection Plan established (see an example on our web site).  Educating our children in abuse awareness needs to start before they can read themselves.  There are educational books for children listed on our web site.

I’m not sure all conferences understand that if they hire a church worker with a previous history of abuse, they have no liability insurance coverage if that person perpetrates abuse again.  Will we wait until we lose a church or conference assets in a lawsuit before we get serious?

There are individuals who have established programs available in the Adventist Church:  Women in Renewal, Inc. in Michigan and Polly’s Place Ministries in Spokane, WA both established by one of our W.A.S.H. Board members, Mable Dunbar.  In the resource section you will find other organizations listed

A church or school that has guidelines established and enforced will go a long way in preventing stories such as were related here from happening.  Predators operate in secrecy and clothe themselves in sheep’s clothing but underneath they are voracious wolves.  Each one of us can make a difference!

Resources:

CHURCH LAW & TAX REPORT PO Box 1098, Matthews, NC 28106

“What Church Leaders Should Know About Child Sexual Abuse” video, cassette tapes and training materials for churches in developing a Child Protection Plan.

THE BRIDGE 1745 Logsdon Road, Bowling Green, KY 42101 (270) 777-1094 Treatment of dependency disorders.

CEASE (Clergy and Educator Abuse Survivors Empowered!  www.advocateweb.org/cease

MIRACLE MEADOWS SCHOOL Christian High School for troubled youth, Rt. 1 Box 289-B Salem, WV 26426- www.tagnet.org/mms/

PROJECT PATCH 13455 SE 97^th Ave., Clackamas, OR 97015-9798 (503) 653-8086 Fax (503) 503-8265 Provides preventative programs for youth-at-risk (ages 12-17) as well as providing alternatives to detention.  Patch Ranch (a licensed Residential Treatment Facility) located in south central Idaho.

REGENERATION MINISTRIES Christ centered 12-step program, www.regenerationministries.com

PROTOCOL SEMINARS 701 West Orchard Ave, Nampa, ID 83651 Phone & FAX: 208/468-9525

SURVIVORS N THRIVERS FORUM www.survivors-n-thrivers.com  Forum for abuse survivors & families.

W.A.S.H. materials for church leaders and members at www.tagnet.org/wash

Books

FRIENDS, GOOD, BAD, SECRET, Bobbie Drake, 1995 Protocol Seminars, 701 West Orchard Ave., Nampa, ID 83651.  (208) 648-9525 The Christian perspective that educates children about sexual abuse.

IS NOTHING SACRED? Marie M. Fortune, Harper, San Francisco, 1991. The story of a pastor, the women he sexually abused, and the congregation he nearly destroyed.

LAURA, Laura Sisk, Review and Herald Publishing Association

LIGHT THROUGH THE DARK GLASS, Esther's Child, 1988, Pacific Press Publishing Association.  Emotional healing.

THE NEW RELATEDNESS FOR MAN AND WOMAN IN CHRIST: A MIRROR OF THE DIVINE, V. Norskov Olsen, Loma Linda University Center for Christian Bioethics, Loma Linda, CA 1993. 

PEACE AND HEALING, Making homes abuse-free, Karen & Ron Flowers with Audray Johnson, Elaine & Willie Oliver, Advent Source 5040 Prescott Avenue, Lincoln, NE 68506. 1996 800/328-0525

PERILS OF POWER, Richard Exley $5.95 Ministerial Association of Seventh-day Adventist.

PLAYING GOD, Celeste Perrino Walker, 1994, Pacific Press Publishing Association, Boise, ID.  A story of misguided zeal about spiritual abuse.

SEXUAL MISCONDUCT IN CHURCH RELATIONSHIPS, NAD Office of Human Relations, 12501 Old Columbia Pike, Silver Spring, MD 20904-6600

SHE SAID NO, (but he crossed the line between passion and violence), Kay D. Rizzo, 1994, Pacific Press Publishing Association.

SINS OF THE FATHER, Marianne Morris, Pacific Press Publishing Association, Boise, Idaho 1993.

THE SUBTLE POWER OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE, David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen.  Bethany House, 1991.

THE TEMPTING OF AUDRA GREY, Tricia Padgett, Pacific Press Association.

TESTIMONIES ON SEXUAL BEHAVIOR, ADULTERY, AND DIVORCE, a compilation from the writings of Ellen G. White.  The Ellen G. White Estate 12501 Old Columbia Pike, Silver Spring, MD 20904

THE TRUTH ABOUT US, Mable Dunbar, Pacific Press Association.

TOXIC PARENTS, Dr. Susan Forward, Bantam Books.

UNDERSTANDING SEXUAL ABUSE, Kit Watts editor, Review and Herald Publishing Association.

This page last updated on Tuesday May 23, 2006 05:12 PM

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members and church leaders better understand the problems abuse brings and prevention methods.

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