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Sermon
of 06-15-02
IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
by Dr. D.A. Farmer, pastor
Scripture: 2 Samuel 1:26;
"I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."
One day a couple of years back my day started off like any other day. That Tuesday morning I got up. Had my usual time with God in prayer and study. Exercised for about an hour. Took a Bath. Worked on that weeks Sermon. Got ready for Prayer Meeting that evening. Everything seemed normal. That evening after prayer meeting Kathy said I had had a
phone call from an old friend. He had called twice and said it was very important.
I called Ronnie Williams in Texas. He answered and we talked just for a second telling each other hi. Finally, I said "What's
up?" He told me that we both had just lost a good friend. And I knew right away whom he was talking about. I said "Ronnie Trammel?" And he said, "Yes". Ronnie Trammel, and Ronnie
Williams and I go back a long way.
I first met Ronnie Williams when I moved to Hobbs, NM in 1972. Later I had changed jobs. I went to work in the oil field. There I met another young man, Ronnie Trammel. Come to find out we both knew and were friends with Ronnie Williams.
It wasn't long until we all three got into CB'S. See we three were inseparable. Bosom Buddy's. The 3 Musketeers. The 3 Amigos. And it wasn't long until we started calling each other by our CB handles. Ronnie Trammel was "Honky Tonk". Ronnie William's was "Tumbleweed", and I was "The Boogieman." And we three lived up to our names. See Ronnie Trammel liked to "Honk Tonk." Ronnie
Williams had a hair do that made him look like a tumbleweed. One that had been rolling along the prairie for some time. And I really liked to dance and boogie.
Soon we formed a band and started playing professional music together. And like so many musicians, we started drinking. Soon along with drinking came drugs. And all 3 of us got into drugs. Some years later, as we all got older, as so many do, we each went our separate ways. But we would keep in contact which each other.
As years went by, I became a Minster; Ronnie Williams is happily married in New Mexico. He no longer does drugs any of kind. I wish he would give up his cigarettes before they kill him. And Ronnie Trammel, well he never gave up his drinking and drugs and living up to his CB handle.
Oh by the way, Ronnie Williams got a haircut and no longer looks like tumbleweed, and I no longer boogie. But we still call each other by our CB handles whenever we talk to each other.
Ronnie Trammel continued to "Hony Tonk" until it killed him. It was a slow suicide. 25 years in the making. But he finally took his own life. At a young age his heart just could not take his partying any longer.
You know death of a loved one is never easy for those left behind. Death is always difficult, especially when it is suicide. This is probably one of the most difficult for anyone to face. I did not get to attend Ronnie's funeral. By the time I found out it was too late. I would have liked to be there. I would even like to have preached his funeral.
I decided many years ago that the church must be more than an emergency hospital. More than a place where the spiritual wounded comes for treatment for a quick fix. The church must give more than Spiritual IV's. The Church should and must be places were we could come and learn from other people's mistakes. I believe that is why we have so many stories in our Bibles. God wants us to learn from the mistakes of others. Can we learn from Ronnie's mistakes? I pray we can. But you are the judge.
As a Christian and a pastor I believe that the truth is the only thing that will set us free. So this morning, please allow me the time to tell you Ronnie "Honk Tonk" Trammel's story. I have chosen for my text the words of King David. Where upon hearing about the death of his close friend Jonathan David expresses his grief.
Turn back with me to 2 Samuel 1:26. The NIV reads this way: "I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful."
Now if you would permit me the liberty I would like to reread it to you and this time change one word. Change it so that King David's words become my words. "I grieve for you, Ronnie, my brother. You were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful."
The older I get the more I come to realize that there are not too many real close friends in ones life. A heart-to-heart soul-to-soul, mind-to-mind, spirit-to-spirit friend. One to whom a person can open up with. I have about 5 and one was Ronnie Trammel. In 2 Sam. 1:26 The King James Version reads,
"Thou hast been pleasant to me."
I have many pleasant memories of Ronnie. One was the time we played music together.
It was Ronnie who talked me into buying a set of drums and joining his group. Ronnie played the guitar and sang. Friends, Ronnie could not sing at all. His voice was one of those that were always an octave higher or lower than the music. But he tied his
best.
I'll never forget the time right after we played one of those tear jerking songs" a man came up and said "I know good singing when I hear it." Ronnie said "Thank you". Then the guy continued, "And I'm not hearing it tonight." I can still remember the look on Ronnie's face.
Friends I can truthfully say I loved Ronnie, and he me. The last time we saw each other, the last thing he said as I climbed into my car was: "Boogieman, you know I love you. Take care".
I'm pretty upset with Ronnie this morning. Because if he truly loved me, he would have stopped his drinking and drugs. Ronnie, like so many others thought that by doing parting all of his problems would simple go away and fix them. But in every case where drinking and drugs are involved the problem only becomes infinitely worse. Drugs and alcohol are never the solution. They only increase whatever the problem
may be.
This morning I grieve for my friend Ronnie. As a pastor I have another responsibility beyond sharing the grief of the loss of a dear friend. I have the responsibility of helping the family. As a Minster it is my job to help the family out of the fog of despair that has engulfed their lives. To help them back up to the top of the mountain that they have just fallen off of. And if only for a brief moment I must point them to the warmth of God's presence and the light of God's Truth. But in order to point them God's way I have to first ask myself a couple of questions.
First, "Why did he kill himself with this slow death? Did he not know what he was doing? Did he not know what his death would do to his family and friends?" As I thought about these questions I could only come up with 2 answers. First, no one will really ever know why. And the other answer was this really the Ronnie I first met in 1973? Could this have been a friend that was driven to drinking because of loneliness and despair?
Friends I know Ronnie's mother. She is a very loving mother. One that knows and loves Jesus Christ very much. In fact the last time we met, She said: "I wish Ronnie would find the Lord like you have." And I said: "I will keep him in my prayers and maybe some day he will." Now I face the question. "Did he?" I know that dark and sinister forces drove Ronnie just like every person that has ever lived. Forces that I do not truly fully understand. I know the only way to fight these forces is with the help and strength of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Did Ronnie ever accept His help? I don't know.
I know what Rev. 3:20 says: "Behold I stand at the door and knock." Now I must ask the questions: "Did Ronnie ever answer the door to his heart? Even at the last moment of his life?" I will never know in this lifetime. Nor will anyone else ever know. We can only trust our Lord and Saviour for He knows.
Jesus tells us in John 10:27 and 28: "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand."
When I'm faced with the question, why did he do it? I have to confront this question with much humility and with a deep sense of my own humanity. Because I've been there! And some of you have too.
Some of us know what it is like to have a bottle of liquor or cigarettes or drugs in front of you. Some of us know what is like to have the urge the desire the drive to partake of that, which, is forbidden. Some of you know what Elijah felt when he said in 1 kings 19:4:
"God take my life."
Or like Job in Job 3:3 where he cries: "Let the day perish wherein I was born." Or Jeremiah 20:14
"when he curses the very day he was born."
In fact maybe someone here this morning has those same feeling right now. But God tells us in His Word that He will be with us during these times. Psalm 9:9 says: "The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 23:4
"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me..." If only Ronnie had understand these verse. Accepted them. Applied them to his everyday living.
Now I stand before you and ask: What could anyone or I done different? If there is one thing one principle above another that I have learned in my Ministry, is this: I can do only what is right. I cannot change or control the choices or decisions of another human being.
Friends I can only do what is right for me to do. And this same principle applies to you. You are only responsible for your own actions. Neither you nor I can change or control another person's choices. They are responsible for their own actions and choices. You nor I cannot, should not, dare not, accept the guilt and the responsibility for the choice they make. Neither I nor anyone else failed Ronnie. And I hope this doesn't sound uncaring; but he failed himself! He made his own choice.
Friends I know that it is theologically possible that Ronnie might be resurrected in the First Resurrection. The Resurrection of the Saved. Because the Lord will turn no true repented person away that has confessed Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. Then I also know that it is theologically possible that he might not be resurrected until the 2nd Resurrection. The Resurrection of the lost.
Since his death, I've wondered; what would Ronnie say if he were here today? I will never know what he would of said. But I can say this. Ronnie's eternal destiny is now in the Hands of God. But we still have a choice where our eternal destiny will be. And friends, if you are facing any of the same temptations that Ronnie faced, temptations that you just cannot seem to gain the victory over, if they seem to be separating you from God, then I have some advice for you. Some council from God's own Book, His Bible.
First, trust God one moment at a time. You heard it said "Trust God one day at a time." You cannot do that. You must not do that. A day is far too long in the midst of a crisis. Listen to Ps. 55:16,17;
"As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice."
Friends a day can turn into an eternity. We must trust God one moment at a time because God can be trusted. Next, not only can God be trusted, He knows our pain. You must never forget that Jesus walked among us.
We are told in Hebrews 4:15 that He was touched with the feeling of our weakness and was tempted in all points the same as we are tempted. James 4:7 say:
"Submit ourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from us."
1 Peter 5:7 says:
"We are to cast all our pain, anxiety, upon Jesus, for He cares for us."
I'm not going to judge or condemn Ronnie. That's God's responsibility. I'm not going to speculate where his eternal destiny will be. Again, that is God's responsibility and was Ronnie's choice. And I'm not going to stop caring and investing in people.
At times like these I sometimes want to take my Ministerial Licenses out of my back pocket and throw them away. Sometimes I want to shout, God, if I cannot win my own friends and family, what good am I to you. But then I am reminded that Jesus Himself never won everyone He spoke to. Many turn away from Him. Even one that walked with Him daily. No, I will not quit.
And you too must turn to Him. Turn to Him when you are hurting. We must turn to Him for strength, love, and support.
For those who came here today expecting to hear some nice little sermon. All I can say is thank you for allowing me this time. Because it's hard to say goodbye to those you love.
Some of you may have discovered that you still hold hurt feelings over the loss of a loved one. Or maybe over a divorce. Maybe you still hold hurt feelings against someone that has said something to you. Friends I don't know what God is saying to you right now in regard to forgiveness. I don't know what He is saying to you in regard to trusting Him one moment at a time. I don't know what He is saying to you in regard to the temptations you are feeling.
But if you would like to ask me to pray for you then would you see me after the service or call me. Come over my house or invite me to yours. I want to help you. Friends, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others for help.
If only Ronnie had reached out to someone, maybe his story could have been told different this morning.
I hope and pray hearing Ronnie's story has helped you.
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