Q: Recently I noticed an elderly man in my apartment building who seemed distraught. I intervened in solving a minor problem, and have tried to be sensitive to his needs since that time, driving him to the grocery store, doctor's office, etc. Now this man knocks on my door first thing in the morning, waits for me to return home in the afternoon, always presenting more requests. I know that he means well and I do not want to hurt him, but I have a job and family that needs me, too. How do I help this man without being taken over? A: First of all I would like to applaud you for taking the time, in this rushed, over-committed world of ours to notice the needs of a lonely old man. Too often, we frantically dash through our days, intent only on our next appointment, mentally calculating how we are going to stretch the budget, squeeze in a haircut, get our taxes done. . . The fact that you looked up from your own world, spotted a child of God in need of human kindness, slowed down your life enough to make room for his seemingly trivial requests, tells me that you are a sensitive, giving person. From your letter, it appears that this man has few sources of social support. Noticing his needs is the first step. The next is to be realistic about the ways that you, personally, can help him. I would neither abandon his cause nor allow myself to become consumed by this gentleman. I am wondering if you might solicit the help of others in the apartment building. Would it be possible to schedule a cohort of people who would be willing to take turns chauffeuring Fred to the places on his list? Are there those who might commit to an evening walk, a shared lunch? If you do not feel that there are those in the apartment building who might help Fred, what about your local church? Sometimes all it takes is the spark of an idea. Would the youth group be willing to adopt him as their "foster grandparent," taking him out for ice cream once a month? Would a retired couple think about picking him up once a week and doing their grocery shopping together? Might someone send him a weekly card, a basket of fruit, a thoughtful note? Would he enjoy being dropped off at a local church each week, where he might worship with people of his own faith? Another avenue to pursue might be social services in your area. Many elderly people do not realize that there are resources in their community to help them. Perhaps a social worker can talk to him about ways he might make some vital connections that would add meaning and purpose to his life. When Jesus traveled the crowd-infested roads of this earth, he modeled what it means to touch the world, one person at a time. He didn't rush around busily trying to promote causes, He turned and said to one woman, "Who touched me?" He didn't establish a packed agenda of intended accomplishments, He met the eyes, heard the heart cries of individuals, people who needed recognition as human beings worthy of distinction from the anonymous mass of humanity. Whenever we are perceptive enough to detect a faint human cry beneath the noise of our lives, we are on the first step of a God-ordained journey. We cannot do everything, but we can do something. Surrounded by daily media images of people suffering, it is too easy to develop a self-protective wall of insulation, refusing to meet the eyes of those whose awkward shuffle through our lives threatens to unsettle our plans. Be clear with Fred about your limitations. But don't stop what you have started. Your heart led you to him. Now let your head do the work. Sandra Doran, Ed.D., is an author, educator, and public speaker. Check her web-page at www.tagnet.org/powerlines.

Sandra Finley Doran, Ed.D., PowerLines 2028 Bluff Oak St. Apopka, FL 32712-3945 (407) 889-5524 email powerlines@juno.com

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