"My husband and I have such different values. I chose not to have a drink on the first night of our vacation this year, and it literally ruined the whole trip. The old argument over religion was brought up again, and we trooped around Disneyland like one dejected family."
"My wife and I come from totally different backgrounds--I'm Jewish and she's Protestant. When we got married, both sets of parents clamored for a religious service. We finally ended up disappointing everybody by having just a civil ceremony."
"I think my husband knows the only reason I'm staying with him is because I know how much God hates divorce. To be honest, I would be relieved to find that my husband has been cheating on me. Then, at least, I'd have a biblical reason to leave him."
"I should have known religion would become a dividing point in our marriage when my future mother-in-law called me aside before the wedding and made disparaging remarks about my religion. As it turned out, Dave's parents ruled our home by their strong influence on Dave's thinking. Dave himself was never overtly religious, yet when our children came along he insisted that they be raised in the same religious tradition he had been taught as a child. He was horrified when I suggested sending the boys to the school sponsored by my church. And that was just the beginning of our problems."
"Religion has always been a source of contention in our home. I've tried for so long to open up to my husband. . . but it's not worth it. So I just keep everything to myself now."
The comments come from neighbors, coworkers, members of my congregation. "I'm working on a manuscript about religion in marriage," I casually mention and the stories come tumbling out.
It is not easy, marching to the beat of opposite drummers day after day, year after year. The issues are complex. How does a Christian respond to the insistent tugs of church, home, and an unbelieving mate? How does a nonbeliever put up with the constant demands on a spouse's time--the never-ending prayer meetings, board meetings, services, and luncheons--without feeling like an "outsider"? And what about two seriously committed, responsibly religious individuals whose commitments run in opposite directions? Is it possible for them to continue their own spiritual allegiances and still maintain a high level of respect for each other? And what of child-raising, goal-setting, weekends, and holidays?
Answers do not come easily. There are no formulas, magic steps, or lines to memorize that automatically ease the stress and set the environment back into balance. Yet through insight comes understanding; through understanding, tolerance; and through tolerance, acceptance. As you read this book, take a look at some of the common mistakes others are making in their approach to marriage with individuals whose religious beliefs do not parallel their own. Contrast these stories with those of couples who are struggling to find answers. And then, in the context of your own marriage, begin the
process of making your relationship work--despite the differences.
