Q: Three months ago we took in a family who asked us if they could stay with us for a week while they looked for housing in our area. Twelve weeks later, we see no signs that they have any intention of moving out. We want to be gracious and treat these people as Jesus would do, but this is wearing on our whole family. What should we do? A: You are indeed in a difficult situation! On the one hand, you are pulled towards fulfilling the Biblical injunction, "Whatsoever you do to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me." On the other, you have a desire to provide your own family with a stress-free, calm environment in which they can truly relax after work and school. This is compounded by the fact that you are dealing with a situation that will not just go away on its own. In order for things to change, you may have to take some very strong actions which can be misinterpreted, souring all of the generosity you have extended thus far. The basic issue underlying this problem is the conflict between serving our families and serving others. What do we do when our Christian obligations interfere with our family’s rights? How do we handle it when easing another’s burden places a load on our husband, our wife, our son, our daughter, ourselves? If I open the door to the stranger begging bread, I put at risk my two-year-old child sleeping in the next room. If I offer a bed to the family who appears at my church, travel-weary, penniless, embodying Christ’s commission to help the poor, I ask my own family to sleep on the floor, stretch their vulnerability, compromise their sense of "home." As Christians, this is an issue that we all have to deal with sooner or later. Where is the line between family and Christian service? Should we create a comfort zone around our loved ones, never allowing them the inconvenience of extending themselves to help the less fortunate? Or should we take the opposite extreme, responding to the needs of total strangers while our own families suffer? Whenever a human need presents itself, an opportunity arises for a family to work together, discussing the ways in which they might be of service. I think this would be a good time for you to hold a "family meeting," talking about your feelings towards this temporary situation which appears to have turned permanent. Hold the meeting at a restaurant or someplace outside of the home, where you can feel free to talk honestly without fear of your live-in guests over-hearing your conversation. Develop a plan that you can jointly exercise that will attempt to show respect for your guests, while honoring your family’s needs. Here are a few points to keep in mind: Sooner or later, everything reaches a saturation point. Your initial intention was to provide a temporary shelter for this family while they looked for housing. Have they had ample time to do this? Have they honestly put forth every effort in their attempts to locate housing? If they have saturated the market and found nothing, they need help in determining the next step towards achieving independence. If they have not made a serious attempt, they have saturated your offer of temporary help. There is nothing more you can do which will help them get any farther than they have already progressed. Things have reached a saturation point. Christ’s outreach always resulted in empowerment, not entitlement. His miraculous interventions resulted in people taking charge of their lives, leaping, running, preaching, sinning no more. He did not bless others so that they could leave their lunches home and expect baskets of fish and bread every day of their lives. He gave them a fresh start, empowered them, breathed life into their dry bones and sent them walking. Passive resistance is often more difficult to handle than active aggression. Be prepared for a tough journey ahead, which may include emotional manipulation, family members pitted against one another, questions raised in regards to your own Christianity. Before embarking on this journey, settle things in your own heart. Christ has said, "If someone forces you to go with him one mile, go two miles."* You have been asked for one week. You have given twelve. Proceed with a clean conscience. * Matthew 5:41 Sandra Doran, Ed.D., posts her monthly columns here, on her web site, www.tagnet.org/powerlines.

Sandra Finley Doran, Ed.D. 2028 Bluff Oak St. Apopka, FL 32712-3945 (407) 889-5524 email powerlines@juno.com

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