1. Illus: A young reader wrote the following letter to the well-known and much-read American newspaper columnist, Ann Landers:

   "Dear Ann: My name is Randy. Maybe you will remember me by the letter I wrote you three weeks ago. I just wanted to tell you how things turned out. Remember how I thought for sure I was in love? I wanted to give Dottie my class ring and my ID bracelet. I even wanted to buy her a $5.00 heart shaped box of candy for Valentine's Day. I was like crazy, man. My head felt light as a feather. When I looked at Dottie I got weak in the knees and almost fainted. I perspired until my shirt was soaked through. My appetite was shot, and I couldn't even look at food. Mom told me I looked terrible, and she called the doctor.

   "Well, it wasn't love at all. It was the flu..."

   1. The poor boy thought he was love-sick--turns out he was just sick!
      1. So much for love at first sight!
      2. But then how many "sights" does it take before you can know you've got love--and not the flu?
   2. "And they lived happily ever after"--isn't that how every good fairy tale love story ends?
   3. Illus: That reminds me of the story Chuck Swindoll, the popular Christian writer and speaker in this country, once told in his book, Strike the Original Match.
      1. About little four-year-old Suzie who has just been told the story of Snow White for the first time.
      2. She could hardly wait to get home from nursery school and tell her mommy.
      3. With wide-eyed excitement she retold the fairy tale to her mother that afternoon.
      4. After relating the part about how Prince Charming came riding up on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, little Suzie asked loudly: "And do you know what happened then?"
      5. "Well yes....they lived happily ever after."
      6. "Nope!" Suzie responded with a frown. "They got married."
   4. Pretty perceptive for a little four-year-old girl, wouldn't you say? Because getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily one and the same thing! Some have concluded they are never one and the same!
   5. Illus: Take the fairy tale marriage of handsome Prince Charles and beautiful Princess Diana.
      1. On July 29, 1981, three quarters of a billion people in 74 countries (and Karen and I were among them) tuned in to a brilliantly choreograped spectacle christened "The Wedding of the Century."
      2. The fairy tale marriage of a very young woman, herself the child of divorce with an unhappy girlhood, Lady Diana Frances Spencer, who fell in love with the most eligible bachelor in the world, handsome Prince Charming himself.
      3. And when the royal nuptial couple stood before the Archbishop of Cantebury, Robert Runcie, the whole world listened as the clergyman intoned a blessing upon the Prince and his Princess-to-be (and I quote now from a copy of the wedding homily I have in my files):

         "Here is the stuff of which fairy tales are made: the prince and princess on their wedding day. But fairy tales usually end at this point with the simple phrase 'they lived happily ever after.' This may be because fairy stories regard marriage as an anticlimax after the romance of courtship."

      4. And little did the world know, after hearing those words, that the marriage created that day in London would in fact become exactly what the minister intoned that it wouldn't: "an anticlimax after the romance of courtship."
      5. Sixteen years, one month and one week later the Princess that the world fell in love with died in Paris, the victim of a senseless automobile accident.
      6. And a billion people gathered once again about their television sets to mourn at the funeral of the Princess who never lived happily ever after.
   6. So with that somber note, I ask you tonight--what is the truth about a happy marriage: Is it a myth? Is it a mystery? Is it a miracle? Is it even possible any more--to live happily ever after?
   7. Illus: It used to be fashionable to trot out the woeful divorce statistics around the world in order to make a case for marriage being an embattled institution.
      1. But I'm not going to run those statistics by you tonight.
      2. The fact of the matter is that this present generation of young adults, GenXers if you please, needs no statistical analysis about marriage.
      3. Because this generation is the product of the most broken generation in this history of the world.
      4. Illus: If you want some numbers, try these: Every 24 hours here in the United States alone, 3533 children are born to unmarried mothers; in that same 24 hour period over 2500 children witness the divorce or separation of their parents.
      5. Add the numbers and you'll find over 6033 children every 24 hours who are ushered into the ranks of broken homes, shattered relationships and fractured families.
      6. And that's just in the United States.
      7. It is no wonder that GenXers tonight carry a very jaded picture of marital stability--no wonder they are staying away from marriage in droves!
   8. But is the picture hopeless? Is there hope tonight for the embattled, beleaguered institution of holy wedlock ("unholy deadlock" as one quipster put it)? Can a broken home be healed? Can a fractured family be restored? Can a bad marriage become a good one? Can a good marriage become the best? Can a mediocre love become a marvelous love? And even if I never get married, can I experience God's very best gift of friendship and love in my life, too?
   9. Well, I don't want to promise you the moon tonight--but I have some very good news for all of us--wrapped up in the story of Jesus.
2. Please open your Bible with me to the second chapter of John (p 1026).
   1. Read v. 1.
   2. Hold it right there--may I be candid with you? I need to share with you why I'm a bit hesitant to lecture on marriage this evening.
      1. First of all, the moment I open my mouth on the subject I'm afraid that I might sound as if I were some sort of expert on marriage.
         1. I am not!
         2. True, I have given pre-marital counsel to scores of couples that I have married as a pastor.
         3. And true again, I have had a little experience myself--since Karen and I have been married now for 24.5 years--ever since that day that I said, "Wilt thou?" and she wilted.
         4. And they have been, by and large, happy years.
         5. Although it wouldn't be honest of me to not admit that we've faced our share of marital struggles and adjustments--all along the way.
         6. And we have not found everyday a "tiptoeng through the tulips" as Tiny Tim once crooned.
         7. The fact of the matter is, Karen and I, along with the rest of you who are married, are "in process" together--the journey goes on and on.
         8. However, what really bothers me about lecturing on marriage is that Karen is sitting here taking notes...which I'm sure she'll read back to me in negligent moments of forgetfulness ...on my part ("now about that NET 98 sermon in which you said..."!).
      2. My second reason for hesitancy comes from realizing that not all of us tonight are married.
         1. Some of you tonight are single by choice.
         2. Here we are beginning a story about Jesus at a wedding.
         3. And I'm concerned that somehow someone might conclude that marriage is the prescribed formula for all human happiness.
         4. Illus: Like the little girl who was being interviewed by long ago television host Art Linkletter, who asked her what her favorite story in the Bible was. "Noah's ark," she replied. "Oh really? And what does that story tell you?" he went on. "Well, the animals went in 2 by 2, which tells me you'd better get married if you don't want to get left behind."
         5. Well, I really don't think that was God's intended lesson!
         6. But I want you who are single tonight to find in the shining story we're about to share some vital principles to make the relationships of your life the most satisfying and fulfilling they can be.
      3. The final reason I find a real hesitancy in lecturing on marriage, is that all the while I know that there are some very hurting, some very dear hearts listening tonight whose pilgrimage in marriage has led them through divorce.
         1. Because no matter how long ago the divorce, it isn't always through.
         2. The wounds, the hurts, the scars run deep...the victims of divorce themselves have told me.
         3. That's why I hesitate to lecture on marriage for fear that somehow it might sound as if the married are castigating and condemning those who have suffered the hurt and failure of divorce.
         4. God doesn't castigate and condemn, and I don't plan to either--and neither should the church, by the way!
         5. Jesus was in the business of offering healing and hope, and He offers it to those who are surviving beyond marriage as well as those who are suriving in marriage....which means all of us!
         6. Yes, you're right.....God's blueprint for happiness in the Garden at the beginning was that marriage would be a joyful reality for all the human race.
         7. But we do not live in a faultless Garden; we live in a fallen world.
         8. And so in the midst of all our failures and faults God steps in with a word of hope and healing for every single one of us: single, married, remarried, divorced, widowed...all of us.
      4. So, setting these hesitancies aside, let's turn to the hope and healing that are offered in a single incident from the life of Christ.
      5. An incident that has very much to do with our marriages.
      6. A miracle that reaches beyond marriage to touch us all.
   3. Read John 2:1-10.
3. There it is--the secret to every human marriage--the secret to every human relationship--is found in the astonished exclamation of the master of ceremonies to the groom: "You have kept the good wine until now"--or as one translation puts it, "You have saved the best till last!"
   1. BECAUSE WITH JESUS THE BEST REALLY DOES COME LAST!
   2. At a wedding.....in a marriage...in life!
      1. "You have saved the best till last!"
      2. Because when you have Jesus, the Source of the Miracle is the Savior of the Marriage.
      3. Jesus, the Miracle Worker, is Jesus, the Marriage Partner.
   3. You see--in God's strategic plan for happiness in marriage-- it always takes three to make a marriage, it takes three to make a friendship last forever!
   4. Illus: That vital principle is powerfully expressed in the little book of Ecclesiastes 4:9 (p 640).
      1. "Two are better than one"--now that is certainly true, is it not?
      2. Illus: When I was a college student an Australian band called Three Dog Night sang a song whose truth we all recognize: "One Is the Loneliest Number That You'll Ever Do."
      3. Illus: In fact there is a new take on that old Barbara Streisand song that sings, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."
         1. We now know that they're the healthiest, too!
         2. Back in the 70s Leonard Syme, professor of epidemiology at the University of California at Berkeley, was trying to find out why Japanese men living in California had two to five times as much heart disease--despite having the same cholesterol levels--as Japanese men living in Japan.
         3. The difference? Companion and close social ties.
      4. Most of us, when we are one, long to be two--that is the stuff of which friendships are made!
      5. Read vv. 9-11.
      6. But if you want to do the arithmetic of strength and durability and power you can do one better than two--and that is three!
      7. Read v. 12.
      8. Illus: I've used this illustration in wedding sermons I've preached-- take a look at this beautiful crimson cord--we use it on special occasions to mark or designate reserved pews in this church--notice the composition of this cord--it is composed of three strands--weave those three strands together--and you have a cord that can withstand incredible stress and pull!
      9. Which is precisely God's point!
   5. Illus: Go back with me to the day God created marriage!
      1. All the way back to the Garden of Eden.
      2. Genesis 1:27 (p 1).
      3. God is a relational Being questing for friends--throughout this "Finding a FOREVER FRIENDSHIP with God" Seminar we've run heartlong into that great truth.
      4. And because He is a relational Being who lives and loves for friendship, who is surprised that the human race which He created in His own image reflects that very same relational hunger?
      5. We have been created from the beginning to thrive with companionship!
      6. Illus: Which was precisely why God created one half of the human race first--that He might in a forever sort of way illustrate how in fact we've all been created for companionship--read the story in Genesis 2:19,20,18.
      7. And with that amazing self-discovery, Adam becomes the very first surgery patient! Read vv. 21,22.
      8. And when Adam opened his eyes he was gazing upon the most heart- stoppping, breath-taking, pulse-pounding, mouth-gaping, eye- widening beauty in all the world--Eve!
      9. Read v. 23.
      10. Illus: Now I have heard a lot of quips about God making man first and then woman.
          1. Some say that after God got through with Adam, He muttered to Himself--"I can do better than that"--and so created Eve.
          2. Others say.....
      11. But the fact of the matter is that God created the male and female halves of the human race separately in order to heighten the dramatic realization that man and woman were created for co-equal, co- operataive companionship.
      12. PLEASE NOTE, GENTLEMEN--that God took a rib out of the side of Adam, not a bone out of his foot nor a piece of his skull--NO, she was not to lord it over him nor was she to be tread underfoot--she came from his side--to stand by his side.
      13. God took a bone right over the heart of Adam--so that forever it would be shown that man and woman, husband and wife, were to be forever friends and forever partners--hand in hand and heart to heart--in caring for God's perfect creation.
   6. And who is it that preaches the first wedding sermon? Genesis 2:24.
      1. There you have it from the very beginning.
      2. Human marriages were designed by the Creator to operate at optimum happiness and fulfillment with God's mathematics: God + Husband + Wife = One
      3. Illus: Somebody once had the audacity to quip: "In marriage a man and a woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one!"
      4. No, no, no--when marriage is a cord of Three--God and man and woman-- the miracle of one-ness is the mysterious blending of two proud independent lives joined by God into a single living, loving creation.
      5. Illus: In God's arithmetic, 1 + 1 + 1 = 1.
      6. It was that way in the beginning.
      7. It must be that way in the ending, too--even in this generation the promise of God's arithmetic still holds true: IF YOU WILL BE ONE IN THE LORD, HE WILL MAKE YOU INTO ONE FOR LIFE!
4. How does it work? Let me share with you FOUR VERY PRACTICAL, DOABLE PRINCIPLES that God offers here in His Word for those who are contemplating marriage, for those who long to turn their marriage around, and for those who want to make a good thing even better!
   1. PRINCIPLE #1--Ephesians 5:25-29 (p 1127).
      1. There are no bigger babies in the world then men!
         1. Watch a man as he stares into the morning mirror--notice how gently he strokes his face, shaving it as if it were a work of art, every little nick and cut is tenderly bathed and treated as if it were major surgery.
         2. Watch a man as he combs his hair--(some just polich their dome!)- -every hair is carefully laid down and manicured and sprayed.
         3. Women may be vain, but I believe men are "vainer!"
         4. AND THAT, Paul writes, IS HOW YOU HUSBANDS ARE TO CARE FOR YOUR WIVES--just like you baby your bodies-- WITH TENDER LOVING CARE.
      2. But just in case that illustration doesn't work, Paul takes the supreme example of loving in all human history--Paul takes us husbands to the cross of Christ--and pointing up into the dying face of Jesus--Paul exclaims, LISTEN GUYS, LOVE YOUR WIVES JUST LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.
         1. The Greek word for love--agape or agapao--means "self- sacrificing, self-crucifying love."
         2. It's the same love in John 3:16--"For God so loved the world..."
         3. It is the kind of love that is willing to sacrifice itself for the good and the best of the other--over itself, by the way!
      3. Which being interpretted, husbands, means that WE ARE TO PLACE THE INTERESTS OF OUR WIVES AHEAD OF THE INTERESTS OF OUR LIVES.
      4. My wife is more important than my life--so I must love her like Jesus loved me.
      5. Which again being interpreted means--that when we have an argument and it really heats up to either high decibels or loud silence--it is the responsiblity of the husband to initiate breaking the LOG JAM.
         1. I used to pastor out in Coquille and Myrtle Point, Oregon--and we had several huge lumber mills in those towns.
         2. In some cases they would even float the lumber down the river.
         3. But when that happened, there were times when all the logs got so jammed together, that the entire flow was brought to a halt.
         4. The only way to solve such a log jam is to remove the offending log that brought the journey to a halt.
         5. IT IS THE HUSBAND'S DUTY TO HUMBLE HIMSELF AND REMOVE THAT JAMMING LOG.
         6. "Honey (you are not required to use that word--but generally a term of endearment wouldn't hurt on an occasion like this!), I'm sorry for letting this argument grow to this point. I was wrong (even though your point may have been right) in letting our anger escalate. And I apologize. I want to remove the logjam so that our marriage can flow smoothly once again."
         7. It is the husband's responsibility to crucify self and initiate the apology and seek reconciliation.
         8. According to this self-sacrificing love principle, never is the man to pout and wait until his wife comes seeking reconciliation-- NO MATTER WHO'S AT FAULT.
      6. "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved..."
      7. PRINCIPLE NUMBER ONE--LOVE (self-sacrificing love).
      8. And by the way, just because Paul calls the men to initiate self- sacrificing that does not mean wives aren't to love in the same way!
      9. In fact, v. 21 is clear--there is a mutual submission in love to one another!
      10. But somebody's got to take the initiative, and husbands, you and I are it!
      11. That doesn't make us greater--it should make us humbler.
      12. LOVE.
   2. PRINCIPLE #2--LIKE.
      1. And that is a biblical principle--as the Song of Solomon clearly documents!--Song of Solomon, one of the greatest love songs in literature, 5:16 (p 651).
      2. "This is my beloved, and this is my friend."
      3. Marriages that last and last are not only for lovers, they're for friends--people who not only love each, they also like each other.
      4. Illus: REDBOOK magazine surveyed 730 marriage counselors to find out what the top ten marriage conflicts are, and here's what they discovered: #1, a breakdown in communications, #2 the loss of shared goals or interests, #3 sexual incompatibility, #4 infidelity, #5 the excitement and fun has gone out of marriage, #6 money, #7 conflicts about children, #8 alcohol and drug abuse, #9 women's equality issues, and #10 in-laws (or out-laws!).
      5. Now, perhaps none of us is surprised about the #1 one conflict--but aren't #2 and #5 surprising? The loss of shared goals or interests, and the excitement and fun has gone out of marriage.
      6. "The excitement has gone out of our marriage."
      7. Fact of the matter is, ladies and gentlemen, marriages are not automatic-- you have got to invest yourself in this lifelong friendship--you do in every other friendship that lasts--so why not your marriage.
      8. Illus: My mother sent Karen and me a wonderful article several years ago by Wayne Rickerson that deals with how to keep the spark and life and adventure growing in your marriage.
         1. And the author's bottomline point is simple--we must SET GOALS for our marriages.
         2. What's that mean? Listen to some of the ideas he suggests-- practical, doable goals that can keep us looking forward to our future together......
         3. Plan a tradition--something we can do each year/Select another couple to develop a close friendship with/Have dinner together, just the two of us, once a month/Schedule a yearly planning retreat for just the two of us/Plan a trip to Hawaii (that would be a lifelong long range goal perhaps!)/Take a class together (cooking, photography, computers)/ Take up a sport or recreation together/Walk and talk--regular time to walk together, talking of things of interest/A hobby-rock hounding, mountain climbing, etc./Have lunch together once a week/Read a book together (perhaps one or two a year on marriage and discuss it).
         4. Something fun to share, something enjoyable in which to grow closer and closer.
      9. I.E., KEEP LIKING EACH OTHER!
      10. I love the exclamation here by Solomon's lover--"This is my lover and this is my friend!"
      11. With some intentional planning, we can all keep our marriages growing as friendships-NOT ONLY LOVING BUT ALSO LIKING EACH OTHER.
   3. PRINCIPLE #3--and there could be 30 instead of 3, I realize--but this is a very critical one for healing marriages as well as growing them--LET....
      1. Love, Like and Let.....more specifically LET GO.
      2. That is exactly what the Bible is counseling in Ephesians 4:32 (p 1127).
      3. Illus: Some of you have been hurt very deeply by your spouses.
         1. I know--I have heard the litany of heartache and tears as a pastor.
         2. I have listened to men sob and women sob, heartbroken over a broken up marriage.
      4. But God tonight freely offers a powerful healing balm to every marriage that wants it--to every spouse that will receive it.
      5. And that marital potion or medicine is called FORGIVENESS.
      6. Illus: The Greek word itself literally means to pardon, to release, to LET GO.
      7. Nobody is suggesting tonight that spouse abuse or child abuse or continuing infidelity ought to be tolerated or embraced as some sort of virtuous humility.
         1. Such destructive behavior must be abandoned.
         2. And if the one inflicting it will not abandon it, then the one receiving it will at least for a time need to step out from under that crippling and destroying abuse.
      8. But even then, can forgiveness become a healer?
      9. Illus: I subscribe to NEWSWEEK magazine, and I'll never forget the "My Turn" column I read--this one written by a grown-up son who is describing his life as a child with an alcoholic father.
         1. The deep underlying bitterness over those painful years inflicted on him by his own father--you feel it all the way through the article.
         2. The son's closing words:

            "I hated my father for the first twenty years of my life. I don't hate him anymore....I understand, but I won't forgive....[So] don't go sticking your hand out [,father,] waiting for someone to shake it. Keep [your hand] to yourself."

      10. "I won't forgive." And perhaps he won't.
      11. But without that forgiveness he will never be healed either.
      12. Illus: Listen to psychotherapist Donald Hope, describing the paradox of forgiveness:

          "It looks contradictory to our self-interest to let go of wrongs, but most of those who hurt us are people we are closest to--parents, siblings, spouses, friends. Trying to get even only leads to a vicious circle of retaliation. In the long run, forgiveness is the best choice for the forgiver--and the forgiven."

      13. Reread Ephesians 4:32.
   4. You see Calvary is the shining summit for all loving, all liking and all letting go.
      1. At the cross we are confronted with the infinite price God Himself paid to forgive us as runaway rebels.
      2. Jesus on that fated Friday did NOT pray, "Father, curse them for they know what they do."
      3. He prayed,"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
      4. Knowing the billion times I have spit in the face of God by choosing to ignore Him--and yet knowing that He has gone on loving me and chasing me and pleading with me to accept His love and friendship.
      5. Knowing that I have been forgiven forever by my Father and Friend-- then and only then can I know THAT HE HAS ALL THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE AND LOVE I WILL NEED TO FORGIVE THE ONE WHO HAS HURT ME SO DEEPLY.
      6. Reread Eph. 4:32.
      7. FORGIVING DOES NOT MEAN FORGETTING--there are some wounds and scars that are impossible to forget.
      8. Illus: As J. Allan Petersen has written in his book, The Myth of the Greener Grass: "Forgiveness is not an eraser that wipes the memory of the act forever from your mind. That's impossible. It is still history. The scar may be permanent."
      9. It does not mean forgetting, BUT FORGIVING DOES MEAN LETTING GO--and releasing the one who has hurt you into the care and keeping of God with the quiet prayer: "I forgive you for what you did to me, even as God has forgiven me for what I have done to Him. And I choose to LET GO of my anger and bitterness toward you. I forgive you."
   5. Illus: We began this lecture with a "Dear Ann" letter, and we end it now with a "Dear Aaby" letter--Ann and Aaby, as it turns out are indeed sisters, and both have become well-known columnists and writers. A woman wrote this letter to Aaby and you need to hear her story:

      "Dear Aaby: I was twenty and he was twenty-six. We had been married two years and I hadn't dreamed he could be unfaithful. The awful truth was brought home to me when a young widow from a neighboring farm came to tell me she was carrying my husband's child. My world collapsed. I wanted to die. I fought an urge to kill her. And him.

      "I knew that wasn't the answer. I prayed for strength and guidance. And it came. I knew I had to forgive this man, and I did. I forgave her, too. I calmly told my husband what I had learned and the three of us worked out a solution together. (What a frightened little creature she was!) The baby was born in my home. Everyone thought I had givenbirth and that my neighbor was 'helping me.' Actually it was the other way around. But the widow was spared humiliation (she had three other children), and the little boy was raised as my own. He never knew the truth.

      "Was this divine compensation for my own inability to bear a child? I do not know. I have never mentioned this incident to my husband. It has been a closed chapter in our lives for fifty years. But I've read the love and gratitude in his eyes a thousand times."

5. You see, the master of ceremonies at the village wedding was right: "You have saved the best till last"--because with Jesus the very best does come last.
   1. With Jesus you can love again...and like again...and let go again...and again... and again.
   2. With Jesus living happily ever after turns a myth into a miracle.
   3. The very miracle every marriage was made for!

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