During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian was thrown to the lions. As
he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed. Looking up, he was suprised to see the lion
also kneeling in prayer. Seeing, the look of bewilderment on the christian's face, the lion said to
him "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm saying grace"
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"The Pope, Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart were out fishing in a boat. The Pope ran out of
bait, so he said: "I'm going for worms.' He stepped out of the boat, walked across the water,
went up on shore, dug some worms, and came back into the boat, again walking on the water. A
little later, Jerry Falwell did the same thing.
Swaggart was watching this all in absolute wordless amazement. Finally, he told himself that since
he was the "man of faith and power", he must be able to walk on water, too. So, he screwed up
his faith, and stepped out of the boat. Blooooop! Went right under. Came up sputtering to the
laughter of Falwell and the Pope. Finally Jerry said: 'If you want to walk on the water, you have
to know where the rocks are!'"
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Well, God and Adam were walking in the garden, and God was stoked. He was really excited
about what he had made.....
...And while God was walking around bragging, he finally noticed that Adam wasn't as excited as
he.....
...So he asked Adam what was wrong... and Adam said, "well look God, I mean I really like
being alive and all..and the garden is cool, but all the other animals have mates....
...The cows have thier mates and the horses have theirs, but I only have myself...
....So God said..."well, I've got a deal for you Adam...I 'll make you a mate that will darn your
socks, wash you clothes, and be there at your beckoning call...
...And Adam said, "Wow! How much wil it cost me God?"
..God said "It'll cost you and arm and a leg."
...Adam said, "Ooooooo. Man, I donno...... What can I get for a rib?"
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There was a man, approaching middle age, whose life was comfortable, but he felt an emptiness inside, a longing. So he decide to join a monastery. The head monk told him that the road ahead was difficult, he would have to give up all earthly possessions, pray constantly, and he would have to be totally silent. In fact, he could not speak at all, to anyone. He was allowed only to say two words every five years. So the man joins and becomes a monk, and he is silent. Five years goes by, and the Pope comes to visit. The man is summoned before the pope, and he is asked "so, how is everything?" The man answers "bed hard". The Pope replies, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we didn't know. We'll take care of that right away. You should be comfortable in bed." And the bed is fixed. Another five years goes by, the man is silent, and again, the Pope comes to visit. He again asks "How are you, my son, is all OK?" The man replies to the Pope "Food cold", to which the Pope replies, "Oh, my, that is no good, we will take care of that problem right away. No more cold food." Again, five more years goes by, the man is the ideal monk, he prays, he is silent. This time, the Pope can't visit, so he the man is called before his superior, who asks "How are you, are you OK? To which the man replies "I quit". So his superior says, in surprise, "Well, of course you quit, you've been here for fifteen years and all you've done is complain!"