dre.am VISION ministries'
MentorCenter
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dre.am VISION ministries'
MentorCenter
| get to it | story |
links |
| action |
books |
questions? |
What would I call my most treasured memories of high school? I am sure I would include some of the banquets and all of the dates, maybe a winning season of flag football, even a class or two. But tucked between freshmen/sophomore Bible conference and senior class trip, I would have to admit: I reminisce and treasure the . . . flea market. Mr. K, my work supervisor in academy, had a passion for finding trinkets and bargains. He shared that passion with me by inviting me each Sunday to join him on his adventures.
Every thing you didn't need could be found at the flea market: assorted car fresheners, umbrella hats, instant onion skin removers. There was never a lack of innovation or quantity at the flea market. In addition to the latest inventions, you could also find great "previously-owned" items. Those were the objects of Mr. K's affection. One week it would be a special type of Swiss army knife, the next week an old long-play vinyl recording. He had a nose for it, and once he made a great find you could sense his child-like glee as he began to barter with the vendor to purchase his "prize."
It was not so much the second-hand treasures that stay in my mind, but rather the lazy Sunday mornings Mr. K and I engaged in flea market adventures. Over my four years of high school, the flea market excursions would gradually give way to band trips and gymnastic team tours, but the relationship built with Mr. K would continue to flourish and make a positive impact on my life. It wasn't anything extraordinary that bonded us-just an hour or so spent together on Sundays. Beyond being my work supervisor, Mr. K became my friend and a wonderful support during the turbulent years of adolescence. His was a simple gift, but it is one that I consider among my fondest teen memories.
Lost or Found
I consider myself fortunate to have had relationships of meaning and significance. Many of my generation suffered from a poverty of quality relationships through adolescence. Call us what you will--13th Generation, The Lost Generation, Twenty-nothings, Baby Busters, Generation X, Slackers--a generation of young people, born 1961 to 1981, were birthed, in the shadow of Baby Boomers, feeling neglected, abandoned, and alone.
In their book, A Generation Alone, William Mahedy and Janet Bernardi depict the aloneness felt by Xers: "The young have been abandoned by parents, loved ones, teachers, political leaders, even the culture itself. No one is really 'there' for them now. This was nothing new for Generation X, because countless parents and other significant adults were not there for them in their childhood or adolescent years. More than any of their predecessors, they have been since birth a generation alone."(1)
Christian demographer George Barna notes, "Busters tended to be raised in a more isolated environment due to divorce, household transience, their own diminished communication skills, and the dissolution of neighborhoods."(2) To add insult to injury, adults, especially Baby Boomers, appear to have little interest or desire to "relate" to Xers. The deluge of pejorative labels from adults indicates their low view of Xers.
Speaking from the Xer point of view, Janet Bernardi says, "We are defined in contrast to the generation that immediately preceded us--and that likes us least--the Baby Boomers. In their eyes they are the world's boom and we its bust. Thus we are called the 'Baby Busters.' We have also been called 'Generation X' because it was thought that we stand for nothing and believe in nothing."(3)
The first generation of latch-key kids, raised by electronic media, Xers have a relational vacuum that hasn't been significantly filled. Xers continue to look for authentic, deep, quality, interpersonal relationships. In personal dialogue, surveys, and focus groups with my peers, I've discovered that a primary need they adamantly expressed was their desire to have adults relationally involved in their lives. My generation continues to search for what I found at the flea market--a relationship with a supportive adult. And now that my adolescent days are gone, I wonder how the generations that follow mine will fare? Will the next generation find what I found at the flea market, or will they, like Xers, be left to fend for themselves, ignored and alone?
The Gift Hour
While I was in academy, my senior Bible teacher gave our class a weekly assignment called the "gift hour." Each week students were required to log at least one hour of time toward service, ministry, and/or a supportive relationship with someone else. The gift hour was not to be just a classifying of our regular activities, but rather an intentional effort to niche out some donated time to help and relate with others. Although at times this assignment seemed to be somewhat legalistic, I found the exercise beneficial, helping me learn to extend myself relationally to those I would probably not think to associate with otherwise. The assignment evolved into a joy, derived from nurturing relationships and serving others. The gift hour made an impact on my life and on the lives of my classmates; it made a positive dent in the world.
In a very tangible way, the gift hour assignment helped me to understand and live out Matthew 25:34-40. I am fond of Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of verse 40, "Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me--you did it to me.'"(4) As I search today for the someones who are "overlooked and ignored," I see my generation forgotten, discarded, and made invisible by the shadows of their elders. I see young adults thirsty for relationships, hungry for role models, imprisoned by their aloneness. I see Generation X. I also see how easy it would be to let things stay the same--to allow the thirsty, hungry, and imprisoned of the next generations experience the realities of generations past. But as a follower of Christ, I am convicted that I cannot look Jesus square in the face while ignoring those thirsty for relationships. That is no way to treat the King.
Mentors for the Millennium
As a young person, I found what I was thirsty for in mentors God put all along my path. At the flea market, in my Bible class, and numerous points in between and beyond, God brought mentors into my life not only to guide and support me, but also to encourage me to live out my faith in Christ. What seemed, as a teen, like surreptitious assignments and trivial flea market field trips now make sense to me as an adult. I now understand that my senior Bible class "gift hour" assignment was more than just an exercise for a grade; it was originally a commission from Christ to live out the gospel. I now understand how valuable Mr. K's interest in me was and continues to be on my Christian experience. Mentors made a difference in my life. And if Christians are to go to the next level and make a lasting positive impact on our community, I am convicted that we must mentor the next generations of young people both inside and outside our church.
There are still young people out there looking to find what I found at the flea market. I find these comments by the National Mentoring Partnership compelling:
"Canoes floating in the ocean without a compass" is how a Howard University professor describes inner-city youth. Without guidance, the canoes will continue to drift further out to sea. For America's 13.6 million most vulnerable youth, mentors are a compass, guiding them into adulthood and helping them reach their fullest potential. Mentoring--the presence of caring individuals who, along with parents or guardians, provide youth with support, advice, friendship, reinforcement and constructive example can help youth from all circumstances succeed.(5)
I am a living example of what impact mentors can have on the life of a young person. Compelled by my experience and my faith, I challenge you to join with me in mentoring the youth of the next millennium. Niche out an intentional, uninterrupted segment of quality time to be spent with a young person.
Why? Because it provides support for educators in helping students aspire and achieve. Because it is a positive way for young people to spend free time. Because it is a source of help for young people facing daily obstacles. Because it constructively impacts their social skills and professional development. Because it is the way our King wants to be treated.
How can you become a mentor? It may be as simple as having a weekly lunch with a teenager or window shopping with a young adult or running errands with a single parent. Walk your pets together. Have a barbecue. You may even opt to check out a local flea market.
Your commitment to mentoring will have a deep and enduring impact. Today's young people are more emotionally sensitive and more relational in character. They are returning to a more conventional desire to build lasting relationships and to exhibit sensitivity to people.(6 ) This is how you and I can influence the new millennium. You don't have to wait for a committee recommendation or a board decision to make a difference; your personal effort to touch a life will make a positive dent in our world.
In your efforts to mentor, be simple, be creative, but most of all, be real. If at first you run into some skepticism, recognize it as the natural first reflex of youth accustomed to being omitted. Barna elaborates:
More than any prior generation, they feel estranged from God, separated from each other, lacking meaning in life, void of roots and a societal connection. In short, they feel alienated from life. They are skeptical because they have experienced deception and rampant superficiality. Their skepticism, though, is not a sophisticated cynicism so much as a defense mechanism hiding a raw helplessness over their circumstances in life. They lack heroes, causes, vision, and sadly, an abiding hope in the goodness of their future.(7)
In very tangible ways, mentors serve to renew the hope the next generations have in the goodness of their future. They provide direction, guidance, and comfort. They care, console, and express compassion. Mentors reveal Christ.
Flea Market Future
Whether I am sorting through the racks for great deals on "previously-owned" CDs or seeking out that rare basketball card, I hope that the next time I go to a flea market--or fast food restaurant or basketball court--I will find you and a young person there. Through relationships with you, the next generation will catch a vision of their worth to Jesus Christ, begin to see Him as their ultimate Hero and, ultimately, take up the cause of the Cross. Through relationships with you, they will see beyond the bleakness of the present to the eternal future that Christ has in store. In the paraphrased words of Christ, "When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. . . .Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation.'''8
Young people can discover the "goodness of their future" with Christ through you. I hope you will quickly discover that whenever you build mentoring relationships, you build a relationship as unto Christ.
I would be hard pressed to find any momento that I purchased at the flea market, even if I were to dig through storage boxes of my high school keepsakes. But I did come away from those aisles and bargain racks with a great "find." I found a mentor in Mr. K. May the next generations make a "great find" in you.
-- a. allan martin
Mentoring Resources in Cyberspace
Here are some internet resources to help and support
your efforts to mentor the next generations:
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Mentoring Resource Bibliography
Biehl, B. (1996). Mentoring. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman.
Clinton, J. R., & Stanley, P. D. (1992). Connecting. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.
Downer, P., & MacGregor, C. (1997). Eternal impact. Eugene, OR: Harvest House.
Elmore, T. (1995). Mentoring. Indianapolis, IN: Wesleyan and Kingdom.
Emerging Young Leaders. (1997). Step by step: A mentor's guide. (media kit including guide book, video, and audio cassette) Englewood, CO: Emerging Young Leaders.
Elmore, T. (1996). The greatest mentors in the Bible. Denver, CO: Kingdom.
Engstrom, T. W., & Rohrer, N. B. The fine art of mentoring. Newburgh, IN: Trinity Press.
Getz, G. A. (1997). Building up one another. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.
Hendricks, H. G., & Hendricks, W. D. (1995). As iron sharpens iron. Chicago, IL: Moody Press.
Kingdom Building Ministries. (1996). It's my turn. Denver, CO: Kingdom.
Johnson, R. (1992). Developing student leaders. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Welty, L. J. (1989). Side by side: Mentoring guide for congregational youth ministry. Newton, KS: Faith and Life Press.
McPherson, M., & Rice, W. (1995). One kid at a time: How mentoring can transform your youth ministry. Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook.
Otto, D. (1997). The gentle art of mentoring. Eugene, OR: Harvest House.
Rice, W. (1998). Intentional connections: Using mentoring in youth ministry. Chapter 4 in A. Simpson (Ed.) New directions for youth ministry. Loveland, CO: Group. 64-82.
Simpson, A. (Ed.). (1998). Intensive caring: Practical ways to mentor youth. Loveland, CO: Group.
Stout, W. T., & Becker, J. K. The good shepherd program: Tools to protect your church by preventing child abuse. Fort Collins, CO: NEXUS Solutions.
