The Gift Hour

--A. Allan Martin, Ph.D.

Boarding academy can be a rather lonely experience at first. Away from home, new people, and new surroundings can leave one feeling rather alone. Yet one of my fondest memories is from my academy years. I remember and treasure the weekend excursions to the flea market with Mr. K. Mr. K, my work supervisor, had a passion for finding trinkets and bargains. He shared that passion with me by inviting me each Sunday to join him on his adventures. It was not so much the second-hand treasures that stay in my mind, but rather the hour or so that we had to talk together about anything and the relationship that developed. It wasn't anything special that Mr. K did that bonded us together; It simply started as an hour or so on Sundays that we would spend together. Beyond being my work supervisor, Mr. K was my friend and a wonderful support during the turbulent years of adolescence. His simple gift hour to me was a vivid reminder that I was not alone.

I was a fortunate one, having relationships of meaning and significance. Many of my peers, in fact my entire generation, suffers from a poverty of quality relationships. Call us what you will -- 13th Generation, The Lost Generation, Twenty-nothings, Generation X, Slackers, or Baby Busters -- a generation of young people, born 1961 to 1981, lie in the shadow of Baby Boomers feeling neglected, abandoned, and alone.

In their book, A Generation Alone, William Mahedy and Janet Bernardi depict the aloneness felt by today's young people, "The young have been abandoned by parents, loved ones, teachers, political leaders, even the culture itself. No one is really 'there' for them now. This is nothing new for Generation X, because countless parents and other significant adults were not there for them in their childhood or adolescent years. More than any of their predecessors, they have been since birth a generation alone(1)."

Christian demographer, George Barna notes, "Busters tended to be raised in a more isolated environment due to divorce, household transience, their own diminished communication skills, and the dissolution of neighborhoods(2)." To add insult to injury, adults, especially Baby Boomers, appear to have little interest or desire to "relate" to Xers. The deluge of pejorative labels have come from adults indicating their low view of Xers. Janet Bernardi speaks from an Xer point of view, "We are defined in contrast to the generation that immediately preceded us--and that likes us least--the Baby Boomers. In their eyes they are the world's boom and we its bust. Thus we are called the 'Baby Busters.' We have also been called 'Generation X' because it was thought that we stand for nothing and believe in nothing(3)."

The first generation of latch-key kids, home alone raised by electronic media, Xers have a relational vacuum that has yet to be significantly filled. Xers are looking for authentic, deep, quality, interpersonal relationships. In personal dialogue, surveys, and focus groups with young people, I have discovered that a primary need they adamantly express is their desire to have adults relationally involved in their lives. Who will step up to the plate and intentionally "be with" this generation alone?

The Gift Hour

While I was in academy, my senior Bible teacher gave our class a weekly assignment called the "gift hour." Each week, students were required to log at least one hour of our time towards service, ministry, and/or supportive relationship with someone(s) else. The gift hour was not to be just a classifying of our regular activities, but rather an intentional effort to niche out some donated time to help others. Although at times this assignment seemed to be somewhat legalistic to me, I found the exercise beneficial, helping me learn to extend myself relationally to others I would probably not think to associate with otherwise. The "assignment" evolved into a "joy," derived from nurturing relationships and serving others. The gift hour made an impact on my life and on the lives of my classmates, moreover I feel it made a positive dent in the world.

In a very tangible way, the gift hour assignment helped me to understand and live out Matthew 25:34-40. I am fond of Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of verse 40, "Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me--you did it to me(4).'" As I search today for the someones who are "overlooked and ignored," I see an entire generation of young people forgotten, discarded, and made invisible by the shadows of their elders. I see youth and young adults thirsty for relationships, hungry for role-models, imprisoned by their aloneness. I see Generation X.

The Assignment

I now understand my senior Bible class "gift hour" assignment was more than just an exercise for a grade; It was originally a commission from Christ to live out the gospel. And with that understanding, I challenge you, as a Christian disciple, to live out that commission with Xers. For those of you needing an assignment, here it is:

I challenge (or assign) you to give at least an hour of your time each week to relationship with a Generation X young person. Niche out an intentional, uninterrupted segment of quality time to be spent relationally with an Xer or with a Baby Buster family. Time spent with youth and young adults, as part of your regular schedule or ministry, does not count towards this assignment. I look forward to your reports about your gift hour with Generation X. The due date is whenever, send it to me via e-mail, dream_VISION_ministries@CompuServe.com

Your gift hour may be as simple as having lunch with a young person; It may be window shopping with a young adult or running errands with a young parent. Walk your pets together, have them over for a bar-b-que. You may even opt to check out a local flea market. The key is to insure that the time is spent in conversation and relationship building.

Your efforts to fulfill this assignment will make a positive impact(5)! Barna explains, "Busters, in comparison to the preceding generation, are more emotionally sensitive and more relational in character...They are returning to a more conventional desire to build lasting relationships and to exhibit sensitivity to people(6)." Young people from my generation are craving contact with you and desire to have you involved in their lives. You don't have to wait for a committee recommendation or a board decision to make a difference, your personal effort to touch a life will make a positive dent in our world.

In your relational assignment, be simple, be creative, but most of all, be real. If at first you run into some skepticism, know it as the natural first reflex of the Xer. Barna elaborates:

More than any prior generation, they [Xers] feel estranged from God, separated from each other, lacking meaning in life, void of roots and a societal connection. In short, they feel alienated from life. They are skeptical because they have experienced deception and rampant superficiality. Their skepticism, though, is not a sophisticated cynicism so much as a defense mechanism hiding a raw helplessness over their circumstances in life. They lack heroes, causes, vision, and sadly, an abiding hope in the goodness of their future(7).

The Abiding Hope

The hope is that through relationship with you, Xers will begin to see Jesus Christ as their ultimate Hero. Through you, Xers will take up the cause of the Cross. Being with you, Xers will catch a vision of their worth to Christ. And because of you, Xers will see beyond the bleakness of the present, discovering the eternal future that Christ has in store. In the paraphrased words of Christ, "When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne...Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation(8).'"

My hope is that Generation X will discover the "goodness of their future" with Christ through you. I hope you will quickly discover that whenever you build relationships with Xers, you build a relationship as unto Christ. May Christ transform your gift hour into an eternal relationship with Xers. Little did Mr. K know what those Sunday flea market trips meant to me. But from that simple gesture has emerged a lifelong friendship that he and I both treasure. I pray that through you, other Xers will understand that they need not be alone.