O Lord God
In the midst of consuming sorrow
When despair and loneliness hedge me in
You understand my frailties--
My hesitancies, my fears.
As I scamper from doubt to doubt
You forgive so quickly my outbursts.
Never do You drive me away
When I rail against You
In peevish rebellion.
When I scream "Don't you even care?"
You quiet my fragmented heart.
You work in me silently
Always planning in love.
You refine me in the white-flamed
Furnace of affliction.
In the silent darkness You whisper:
Trust Me - all will be well.

Lord, all week long
I have struggled painfully
With the agony of unforgiveness.
In clinging to my hidden resentment
My spirit has been consumed.
Channels of creativity have been clogged.
I have been brittle, evasive, unyielding.
I've winced and wallowed in self-pity.
My health has been affected.
To pray has been a heavy burden.
I am starkly aware that I cannot afford
The luxury of an unforgiving heart
Unless I need no forgiveness from You.
There is no more room in my heart
For the twisting torment of this past week.
I am willing to drop the offense.
Now, dear Lord, please cleanse me.
Release me, purify me
And empower me to forgive
As freely as You have forgiven me.

God, there are times
In the midst of heartache and heartbreak
When there is no comfort, no solace
Anywhere at all.
There are times
When in my crumbling state of mind
I feel I can no longer endure --
Not for a day, not even an hour.
It is at such times, O God
That I draw heavily
Upon Your unfathomable love.
At such times I implore
Your transforming peace.
At such times I live
By the power and promises
Of a Father who cares infinitely more
Than I can begin to grasp or comprehend.
Today, dear God, is a "such time."

O God
Such beautiful things happen
When I meet You day by day
In quietness and confidence.
There is a deep inner wholeness
And the assurance of Your guidance.
I am not so easily disturbed
By changing circumstances.
I am less dependent on others
And more dependent on You.
My eyes may be full of tears
But my heart is full of joy.
In discovering Your hidden treasures
I learn how deeply I am treasured by You.
When day by day I am responsive
To Your whispered secrets
You do more for me in one day
Than I could do for myself in a lifetime.

Lord of my commonplace days
Forgive me for foolishly waiting
For "divine inspiration"
Before moving in on the tasks
Personally assigned to me.
Hopefully I am learning
To face with greater determination
The day-by-day drudgery
The trite, mundane tasks
The pushing-pulling glamourless duties.
Lord, even I think
I'm getting no place
Keep me pushing on and on
With purpose and direction.
Grab my heart and quiet me
When I begin to whine and whimper.
Despite the daily drain
I think I see it more clearly now:
It is only when I begin to do
That You begin to bless.

Even at longest,
Lord Life is fleetingly short
A mere breath
A withering flower
A shadow in pantomime.
It sobers me
That I am but a passing occupant
A temporary guest who says hello
Then so suddenly - good-bye.

But, Lord You have chosen me
To be Your very own.
The instant You call my name
I shall be a permanent resident
In my Father's house.
Once again
With ecstatic joy
I shall say hello -
But never through all Eternity
Shall I have to say good-bye!

God, without You
I am like a blind man
Groping to find my way
In the darkness.
Voices are calling from this place
And voices are calling from that place
But I am confused--
I don't know where to turn.

Always I listen for Your voice
For You alone bring light
To my desolate being.

Still I brood and grope
In the darkness
As voices calling from this place
And voices calling from that place
Make the absence of Your voice
Ever more painful.

"And I will give thee the treasures of darkness...." (Isaiah 45:3)

O God, I trust You.
I don't understand
I cannot begin to comprehend
The wisdom of Your way
In my torn and tangled life
But I am steadfastly believing
That Your plan for me today
Must be --
Surely it must be
As kind
As loving
As profitable
As Your plan for me
In joyful days now past.
You are the same
Yesterday
And today
And forever
So, dear God
I trust You.

Early this morning, Lord
An hour or so before dawn
You whispered a secret
Within my trembling heart...

You said, "If you will let Me
I will make this seeming tragedy
The most valuable experience
Of your entire life.
I will blaze a luminous trail
Through the vast wilderness.
Where there is sand and tumbleweed
I will cultivate a fertile valley.
I will plant green trees by still waters
If you will let Me."

O Lord, Yes!
I will let You!

O God
On this cold January morning
I am like a lonely tree
On a distant mountaintop --
Leafless, brittle, trembling.
Howling winds twist me mercilessly.
How long must I wait, dear Lord
For the brilliant sun
To melt the heavy-packed snow?
And when will You prove
To my aching heart
That one lonely tree
On top of a snow-covered mountain
Has purpose wherever it grows!
As I stand against the forceful element
I pray. I watch. I wait.
I long to see streams of water
Flowing down soft, rolling hills.
Perhaps I shall be productive again
When the long, long winter is past.

Dear God
How I thank You
For thousands of beautiful memories
That have become a growing history
Of Your supreme goodness in my life.
Thank You for misty memories
Flaming memories, trailing memories.
Thank You for throbbing memories
Quiet, gentle memories
Pink-tinted memories
That live on and on
To gladden somber days.
Thank You for memories that have rooted me
Stabilized me, sensitized me
And toughened the inner fiber of my being.
In Your honor, dear God
I erect my Monument of Memories.
For Your glory ... You who are
My "living bright reality."

O God, forgive me for saying it
But often my heart rages
Against the horrendous injustice
Of undeserved suffering.
The insidious ravages of war
The hunger-cries of starving children
The innocent victims of incurable diseases
The tragic accidents snuffing out life
In a moment of time...
Years of intense agony
Surgeries
Financial drain
Fears, tears, loneliness
Unbearable loss.
O God, do You hear me?
Often my heart rages
Against the injustice of it all.

My dear child
So does Mine.

Lord, right now
I struggle with clutching fear.
Waves of agony pour over me
As I face the darkest moments
In my life's history.
But my conviction still stands firm:
You are my God!
And though I cannot predict my future
Or even tomorrow
I am sustained by the reminder
That the longest storm
The world has ever known...
And the worst...
Came to an end one clear-sky morning.
It was true for Noah
It will be true for me.
Though as yet I see no deliverance
I watch
I wait
I expect
My personal rainbow.

O God
So many things occur in my life
That are far, far beyond
My childlike comprehension.
My spirit is often bruised.
My thoughts are scattered.
I am left floundering and faltering.
There are shattering disappointments.
There are conflicts and doubts.
There are hours of emotional weariness.
And yet, the very thought
Of attempting to manage life without You
Brings more desolation
Than all other agonies packaged together.
I would rather endure the gigantic assaults
In Your presence, dear God
Than live a single day
Without Your hand of protection.
For Your words to the Enemy of my soul
Are as powerful for me
As they were for job:
"This far you may go, but no further."

O God ... My God
Though You now seem totally hidden
I am clinging to You hopefully
Even confidently.
Someday, some way, You will make
All You are now permitting
Blessedly clear.
With fixed purpose, dear God
I am determined to wait, to trust
To rely upon Your faithfulness.
Despite the drain and strain
I anticipate new perspectives
And fresh depths of insight
Into all that is now so mysterious.
O God, in ways unanticipated
You are teaching me the great truth
Of Samuel Rutherford's words:
"I see that grace grows best in winter."
Thank You, dear God
Thank You for that!

O Lord
Here I am again
Just plain old me
Coming to You
As I've come a thousand times-
And this is what always happens:
Your response is immediate
You open Your arms unhesitatingly
You draw me to Yourself
You clasp me to Your Father-heart.
Then You reaffirm my position:
I'm a child of the King
And all that is Yours is mine.
When I begin my stammering account
Of gross unworthiness
Your gentle smile hushes me.
With endless patience
You remind me once more
That my value never determines Your love.
Rather, Your love determines my value.

Lord, help me to face with honesty
And genuine appreciation
The talents and abilities
You have given
As special gifts to me.
Give me a sane estimate of myself.
Neither exaggerated nor mud-crawling.
Just sane, as Your Word admonishes.
May I be joyfully satisfied
With Your unique plan for me.
When at times I'd secretly love to ride
On a colorful float
Beautifully adorned
Waving to cheering crowds
Smile at me, Lord.
With a twinkle in Your eye
Remind me again
That somebody has to build the float.

O God
In these crisis days
Of piercing pain
And emotional fatigue
Do a brand new thing in me.
Give me water in the wilderness
And streams in my desert.
You have promised to be my God
Through all my lifetime.
Surely You will keep Your word!

As You promised
Give me rest from my sorrow
And from my fear
And from the bondage
That binds me.
One thing more, dear Lord:
Enable me to praise You
When to praise
Is the hardest thing of all.

O dear God, I continue to believe
Your personal promise still stands
Though every quivering emotion within
Shouts that it will be broken.
I am claiming Your help through the wilderness
Despite every frightening shadow and vale.
Often you do the most
When You seem to do the least.
Sometimes secretly
Sometimes quietly
Often slowly
But always most certainly
You are true to Your word.
And so, my Lord
Though I am weak, weary, and worn
Help me not to despair.
You see me, You hear me.
You know I am depending utterly
Upon Your unblemished integrity.
Surely You will keep Your word.

And the Lord will lighten my darkness...
2 Samuel 22:29, TLB

O Lord, how I needed to read this promise
In Your Word this very day.
You will lighten my darkness.
You will personally do it.
I cannot, nor can my family.
My friends cannot
Nor can the one dearest to me.
You alone can lighten my darkness.
Though it is pitch black
Though clouds pile heavy and high
Though thunder roars
Though I see only confusion
You will lighten my darkness.
My hope is in You.
I look for You. I wait for You.
Nothing will prevent it.
You will lighten my darkness.

O my Father, my Father!
At this crisis time of my life
When I feel trampled and battered
I know it is imperative
For me to remember
That the nature of my problem
Is not the significant thing.
The significant thing
Is the nature of You
My refuge. My rock.
My high tower.
There is no situation
Anytime, or anywhere
Of which I cannot confidently say
"For this I have Him."
But I am so quick to forget
And so prone to neglect.
Lord, may I get it settled
Once and for all
That when You say
"My peace I give unto you"
The you means me!

God, forgive me.
I am suddenly aware
That for many months
I have been more occupied
With my personal pain and loss
Than I have been with You.
I know it is true:
You are not obligated to explain
My crushing blows or my aching void.
Help me to trust You for who You are
Regardless of what You permit.
I acknowledge Your Sovereignty, God
But I long for You to burn
Into every fiber of my being
The undeniable truth
That throughout all eternity
You are a loving, caring
And forever faithful Sovereign.

I am alone, Lord
So alone.
You no longer walk with me.
Or am I not walking with You?
Truly, I don't know.
However it is
I'm frightened, troubled, baffled.
Everything I do
Is with such fierce effort.
All my emotions are wire-crossed.
When others laugh, I cry.
When others run, I stumble.
When others sleep, I lie in darkness
Counting minutes, then hours.
I reach for Your hand
Until my fingers grow numb
But You give no response.
What's wrong, Lord?
How have I failed?
Don't You love me anymore?

Lord, wherever I look I see spring!
Pansies and yellow daffodils
Border the green lawns
All over our neighborhood.
The graceful trees are branching
In every direction.
Shining leaves are eagerly
Getting acquainted with each other.
The password this morning is Joy.
Joy laughing and singing
And chasing sunbeams all over the hills.
To me it seems to have happened overnight.
Yet I know you have been quietly preparing it
For many long months.
Lord, help me to wait patiently
For "spring" in my life
When the winter months seem endlessly long.