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Dear Sister,
Happy Mother's Day, or
Happy Daughter's Day, for those of you who don't have
offspring. This is always a bitter-sweet day for me,
partly because some of my relationships are not what I
would like them to be. During my early morning jump
devotional (I rebound for 30 minutes to music recorded
by the spirited Vineyard group, the guys known for the
Toronto Airport Blessing) I did some praying and
thinking. I phoned my mom and we told each other that
we loved each other, quite unlike our last conversation
that I believe ended with one of us hanging up on the
other. Praise the Lord!
Those of you who know me
well know that my mother and I have had a challenging
relationship from my adolescence onwards. I
guess I'm not unique:
"In a recent study, half
of all Americans rated their relationship with at least
one parent as either "poor" or "terrible," and more than
a third felt this way about both parents. As we continue
to live longer and the parent-child relationship extends
further into adulthood, this problem has reached
epidemic proportion. Now, psychologist Dale Atkins
presents a step-by-step plan for adults trying to come
to terms with parents who are demanding yet generous,
infuriating yet lovable -- and entirely human."
http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/text3-31-2004-52389.asp
In Chapter 16 of
"I'm Okay, You're My Parents", Dr. Dale Atkins writes
about using humour to improve your relationship with
that difficult parent:
"I realize that
recasting the drama between you and your parents into a
comedy is not always easy. Laughter requires distance.
Unless you put some space between yourself and the
situation, learn to float above it and look down at the
dynamics from a safe place, you will not be able to
appreciate the inherent humor, however black, in the
situation. If you allow yourself to be stuck in the role
of victim, you will feel threatened and angry instead of
bemused and in possession of a good story for your
friends.
Imagine your family as a sitcom. Even though you may
react to that suggestion by saying, "But the things that
go on between me and my parents aren't funny; they're
tragic," remember that, on paper, the friction on
Everybody Loves Raymond, or All in the Family,
could have been tragedy, too. The guilt in those shows
is thick and unwieldy, as are the insults and
humiliations. But the writers work hard to tap into the
universality of suffering, which can be funny in a
poignant, human way. They tried to find the humor in
misplaced pride, in petty self-interests, in love gone
awry. That is how I want you to view the friction
between you and your parents, at least from time to
time. What role would you play? What actors would you
cast as your mom and dad? What would your character do
differently? What funny lines would you give yourself?
Where would the laugh track chime in?
You might also create a parental humor support group
with some friends and swap tales of your parents' silly
behavior. Avoid complaining; concentrate on the nutty
narratives. Not only will such sessions alleviate an
unbelievable amount of stress, but they will show you
that you are not alone. They may even show you that some
people have parents even crazier than yours.
Humor can exist in the most painful and difficult of
situations. In urging you to find the humor in your
situation, I am not suggesting that you mask your darker
feelings -- merely that you not be overwhelmed by them.
The key is to accept that your parents can be
simultaneously annoying (or humiliating or sad or
manipulative) and funny. And that you can
sometimes be funny or at least light-hearted in your
response to them.
There is a big difference between manufacturing
humor (it will always feel phony and hurt more than it
helps) and cultivating it if even the faintest
whisper of humor lurks in any situation. That is a gift
that will last you for many years. As Mark Twain said,
"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/text3-31-2004-52389.asp
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Carla's Roots:
Watch for this web log on our Angel Co-op site! Carla
is a 30-something mom, married with two young kids. She
will share her faith journey and reflections on her
day-to-day life. Other blogs are coming! Would you
like to do one on our site?
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CHIP Hooray!: Last
weekend we had a fascinating couple of people do some
training with about 40 of us (from Regina, Saskatoon,
and The Pas) so that we can present the healthy
lifestyle program, CHIP (Coronary Healthy Improvement
Program), or, more specifically, Adventist CHIP.
Thanks to Dr.
Carol Henry, Saskatoon Central's Health
Ministries Leader, for spearheading this plan for
health-conscious outreach. The trainers were Dr. Harold
Burden and Dena Guthrie, whose
testimonial about her entry into the CHIP ministry you
can read right on our site at
"I can surely testify of
God's leading with regard to this wonderful lifestyle
education program. In fact, I'm just in the midst of
planning Willowdale Church's third CHIP program,
happening April 5-29. In 2000 the Willowdale Church
held the first CHIP program in the Greater Toronto
Area. I attended that program and was so inspired (I
was just returning to university - mature student! - to
study towards becoming a dietician) that I simply had to
get involved in CHIP as a director for my church. Well,
now I'm the Regional Coordinator, and I travel about to
our various Ontario churches introducing them to CHIP
and providing informal training! What a joy it is to be
involved in helping to further God's health message!
Back in 2000, there was only one church facilitating
CHIP. Now there are 8 churches in Ontario that will be
facilitating programs this year. Praise the Lord!
What I absolutely love about CHIP is that it's not
man-made. The CHIP principles are the same fundamentals
of health that God provided to the young Adventist
church more than 100 years ago. All that CHIP does is
corroborate those God-given fundamentals with current
scientific research and package them in a wonderful
16-evening experience.
Another thing I love about CHIP is the opportunity to
meet wonderful new friends for Jesus! Last year, a
wonderful Hindu gentleman who had attended one of our
2002 programs was baptized! I can't describe to you our
joy!!!! And, the joy that we as facilitators all feel
when the participants finish the program and share their
stories of triumph -- well, there's no greater reward
for our volunteer efforts...
In 2002 The GC North American Division Health Department
gave CHIP the opportunity to be the editors of the GC's
monthly health newsletter, "HealthWorks". All
our CHIP personnel were busy, so the opportunity fell to
me.
Today would be a good day for you to take a visit into
Bev and Lina
Wawondatu-Cantwell's
beautiful women's site at
http://www.sdawomen.org
So my prayer is that you enjoy the day today and in the
week ahead you look for opportunities to share the Good
News!
God bless you,
Cynthia
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