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Barbie I Can Relate To
Finally-- a Barbie I can relate to! At long last,
here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging
gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie.
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and
Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie.
Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny
drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and
tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie.
As Barbie's hormone! levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie.
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good
news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie.
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll
on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Smooth her heels with the pumice stone,
then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie.
Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting
cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie.
All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with
minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes
and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie.
It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal
trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're
hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a
B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie.
Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie.
Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now
she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going
to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a
six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie.
This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch
watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and
Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner
Self" is included.
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